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Emotionally Stunted

My aunt died today and everyone around me is breaking down. My mother cried herself to sleep and my sister is hiding in the bathroom bawling her eyes out. But I haven't shed a single tear. I was really close to my aunt, and yet I don't feel all that torn up bout her being gone. I think there's something wrong with me...



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Re: Emotionally Stunted

Not at all. Everyone is programmed. My family is full of warriors. There are actually people in history books I’m descended from.

I’ve been shot at. Didn’t scare me. I just reacted & fought.

As a kid I watched a gangbanger die. He’d just tried to kill an innocent so he was evil. He was beyond saving. I watched him bleed out. Went home. Five minutes later I was asleep.

But if I feel sorrow I react later. I used to hunt. If I killed a mountain lion it never phased me. It would have killed me. Had no choice. Survival off the fittest. But if I killed s deer it was my job. We ate meat. I was feeding the children in my family. Without the meat we went hungry. But later at night I’d feel sorry for the deer. As an adult I’m vegetarian. Still hunt some to teach youngsters. Part of my job. Oh; I’m part Native American. We hunt & track. Live off land. But I’m mostly white.

Let’s say I was in a fight with gang bangers. Or as a bouncer. I used to be a bouncer. Watch road house.

If I fight I get it out of system. If a rattle snake crawls near me & I kill it I get it out of system.

But let’s say I almost get in a fight. I warn some men who are threatening others or hurting others. If they attack & I whip their asses then I use that energy. But let’s say they actually listen & walk away. Great. I don’t want to fight. But a few minutes later. Or even later that night when I finally relax I may shake a little. I’m not scared. My body created extra chemicals for a fight that it never used. I’m weird. My muscles seem to get larger. My veins seem to get thicker before a fight. Hard to tell for sure my veins look like ropes on top of some muscles. Yes it’s gross. But women like it.

So if my body pumps all these chemicals into the blood for fighting. But I don’t fight. Then I’m burning off the excess chemicals. My body shakes. Muscles reacting to the chemicals. Now that I’m old I can feel it hit my kidneys. So instead I start exercising to avoid that & use it up.

I remember in high school. I’d start going martial arts spin kicks if some banger pissed me off & then he pushed out & didn’t fight. Just burning off the energy to stay calm.

Now I’m an extreme of what your going thru. Your a product of designed evolution.

Don’t take up hunting. You can die. Plus killing sweet animals sucks. It’s very sad. I also raised cows & stuff. If you ever had to shoot your horse to save it from a bad death you’d understand. Breaks your heart.

But let’s say your being hunted by a bear. I have been by the way. They run very damn fast. They climb trees. They are hard to kill with a bow & arrow or squirrel gun. (Don’t believe movies). So much fat you shoot their ass & it will just piss them off. By the way; they taste good but hard to chew.

Anyways. Crying while in a war trying to hide from an enemy soldier will get you killed. Same for from a bear. (They can smell great too by the way. So unless your a bad ass mountain man like me it probably won’t end well).

In primitive times the babies & weak would cry so you could go back & grab them from the thick grass or dark. Getting left behind means death for most in a war or the wild. But crying also gets you killed if the predator hears you & reacts faster.

I’ve been in a tense situation trying to save a woman’s life & she’s screaming & crying. I’m trying to get her out of a wrecked car. Doesn’t help but she can’t help it.

So there’s nothing wrong with you. You loved her. You are just not overwhelmed by your emotions. It’s just biology.

I used to piss my wife off. Something would happen. Everyone would be scared. I’d quickly solve the problem & smile the whole time. Like when a deadly snake crawled near our kid. I drew a knife as I jumped thru the air. I cut the snakes head off as I landed on its back. Just a blur. Scared the shit out of them. She screamed. I laughed. I chased my kids with the wiggling body. She cussed me out.

I then tried to teach them which snakes are not poisonous. Found a green snake. I bit it’s head off & handed them the body to hold. She cussed me out. City people. Most would never survive in a life or death situation.

I’m not telling you to do the stupid crap I do. I grew up hunting. Old Native Americans & a bunch of ex soldiers making me learn all this stuff from age 4. It’s stupid. I much prefer watching TV.

Sorry. I need sleep. My moron roommate got drunk & walked in my room naked looking for her clothes (not that. Her clothes are in the closet). Now I can’t sleep. But need sleep.

Anyways you are a product of evolution. You do care. You just don’t cry. You may one day. I went about 50 yrs & only cried 3-4 times.

Someone once stabbed me as I fought a street gang. I never cried. But I did beat his ass. He pissed me off & got special attention. LOL. Oh. Never live in the bad part of an inner city. I moved back & forth. These inner cities have gangs of creatures that look human. They will try to kill kids & teens for fun. I’m not exaggerating. Much more dangerous than a bear in the woods.

Watch you tube. You can see a mob of these creatures beating a small girl almost to death just to steal her shoes. I’ve gotten sucked into that shit a time or two growing up. Sometimes I got away running. Sometimes they cornered me & I went prime evil on their ass. Brutal. Never live in an inner city. The cops are afraid to come there. I remember being a kid walking home from school & a car full of bangers just starts chasing me. One shooting at me. They didn’t know me. Just fun for them.

People feel sorry for these gang bangers when they watch them on TV. Oh they can’t help it. They are on food stamps. But if you are running from them as a kid while they shoot at you it’s a different experience.

Hopefully I connected the dots for you. I did not cry or shake when they shot at me. Or when a bear hunted me. I reacted correctly & lived. I’ve eaten a bear. No bear has eaten me.

But I have cried. I do feel great compassion. My wife laughed at me after a tornado. I went to help people. On my way back I found an endangered turtle. I cussed. I needed sleep. I’d worked for over 24 hrs. Had to goto my job. But I put the turtle in my four wheel drive & took it to another area where I knew they existed. Walked it to the pond & left. My wife said look at Wolverine. Kicks asses. Takes names. Saves a turtle. I’ll admit it’s funny. But Native Americans co-exist with nature.

I’ll kill some animals to live. But not for fun. Not endangered animals. Not out of season. This is their world too.

I’d beat the he’ll out of a thug trying to hurt you in order to save you. But I’d never harm you. Men are created by God to protect the weak & provide for the family. You have some of that DNA in you. Probably not all the rest.

Your just you. I have a son who occasionally cries. He’s an elite athlete. He never cries from pain. He only cries if he loses something. I hold him. He calms down. Then next time he wins. I don’t know why losing makes him cry. I rarely ever lost. If I did it’s because someone on the team fucked up. But you are a team so you pat them on the back & move on. If I missed the last shot I’d cuss at myself. Rarely happened but it’s the only time people saw emotion out of me as a kid.

Wow. I need sleep. Doubt your even reading this none sense.