I feel like I'm slipping away, and it doesn't scare me anymore. I think I've given up. It's like this constant feeling of defeat, shame, and disgust. In my head I know I'm letting myself go and that I need to stop, but I don't have the energy or motivation to try anymore. I lost all of my friends. I lost my longtime girlfriend/fiancé. I flunked college. I put on a ton of weight. I'm too embarrassed to go out or be seen now, so I isolate myself. It's lonely. I miss being happy or at least feeling like I have a purpose here. I don't know if I want to live a life like this much longer. I'm not sure if it's even worth it. It's exhausting pretending to be okay all of the time.