Then I woke, just to realize it was all a dream. My body quickly goes from nice a warm and relaxed, to cold, stiff, and discomfort. It’s been over a year and I still feel like I swallowed my heart as its empty and aches. It’s crazy cause with all the time that passes through the day I still to do manage to find a way.. not to forget you .. It’s so hard sometimes, but it’s my fault so what can I really say. I have to bite the bullet and feel the pain. I deserve it, right¿ with that being said knowing I was wrong, Ik you can never trust me again and that you want nothing to do with me, and that thought alone brings me to my knees more often than not. One thing I want so desperately in this world is, no wait.. actually the the thing I want the most is to just sit face to face with you and hear your voice and feel your presence.. it’s always been like a breath of fresh hair, haha.. or makes the air leave my body.. I wish you knew how much I’ve grown, what new mentality I have.. I wish you could hear my thoughts and feel my heart to know my intentions are pure, to know that I’m not what you may think now.. I’m a monster to you and I understand that logic, but even monsters can love and protect their own. I wish I wasn’t like this, so caught up on you.. that way I could leave you alone and stop killing myself on the inside. That feels impossible though. I’m a big believer in souls and I feel like I can always feel ones energy or vibes. They just can’t be faked, but anyways what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel capable of loving anyone else the right way, I don’t think I could. I feel like my heart and soul intertwined with yours so fiercely that they’re permanently set and attached to yours, even though you may have severed that connection, I feel like death would really be the only one to sever mine, but I’m not gonna kms, that’s cowardly. I face the pain. I really do believe our souls have met in the past life and agreed to meet up here again the feelings and emotions were so intense.. physically and emotionally.. one thought that never fails to make me turn on the inside is when I think about the nights that you were hurting so bad feeling destroyed and broke down and the inside with no one there, so bad your mom had to come stay in the dorm with you... it hurts so fucking bad.. I deserve it though, right¿ I think about you 100+ times a day.. I miss you soo much I would give anything to have you again.. I hope when our souls meet again in the next life that this history doesn’t repeat itself.. and I hope to see you in the afterlife too.. I don’t even remember the last time I saw you.. I MISS YOU... soo fucking bad.. excuse my language.. I just remember feeling and seeing you look so empty.. I’m so so so sorry.. 10000000 over.. I love you to the death of me and I let that happen.. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same me again, without you. There’s forever a hole in my heart .. today feels like the day though.. I love you forever ❤️🖤-Me