So... I can't focus. Because of someone. Problem is, its not cute, its not the someone I'm usually or supposed to be attracted to. I think if i get out my feelings towards her I can move on. Making a playlist certainly didn't. Her name is Noelle. God, what a pretty name. She's shorter than me, and for a girl who's 5'3" that's hard to find. Her laugh is so cute and she seems to want me around. She asks questions and we have meaningful conversations. I connect with her somehow. She's only my co-worker and I barely know her favorite color but I can tell that she's broken. She's been married once-a few years, to a man. But she realized she liked women and left. She doesn't smile often and hates most parts about the world. I want to see her happy, see her playful, and see the trusting part of her that is locked away. She has freckles and used to skate and has a sort of confidence about her that I just... it's safe I think. I want to be her protector but trust in her as well and I want to know how she kisses and how she shows her love. It will never happen and I know that. It's literally an enemies to lovers story. I joke around with her everyday about hating her and I pretend she smells like onions and how short she is and how old she is when our age gap is not even...8 years. That's the other thing. She looks 16. I almost didn't believe her when she said she was older than 20. I'm not even graduated from high school. Huh. She'd look over my shoulder now and make some gag about how her skin routine keeps her young and how old I'm gonna look in a few years because I don't wear sunscreen enough. Onion Girl. She's got layers and she's got her fists up to the world and I want to break her walls down and see her in her vulnerability, both in a sexual context and in a relational one. I want to show her hope is not lost and to smile more in pictures and I want to know what the tattoo is that she's hiding. She intrigues me probably mostly because I can't have her. Realistically, we would not last forever. But a once time thing. A secret time in a janitor's closet. A week of evening nights by the sunsets where I can lean my head on hers. I want to experience her in her entirety.