My boyfriend has cheated on me many times. I know I’m stupid but I took him back thinking I can overcome this pain. Some days I can’t and in those moment I want to hurt him as bad as he hurt me. I know it’s a toxic thought but for once I wanted him to be truly sorry for hurting me But I began to think you have to be important enough to him for it to hurt him In the first place. I have since shut down emotionally and I have serious trust/abandonment issues that I makes me feel so much shame. I don’t talk to anyone about my feelings anymore. It feels safe being numb to it all.