Today I opened my eyes, disappointed that I even woke up. I wish tomorrow would be another chance for me to die. My life feels like a debt to everyone, to my parents most especially. I have never told them how tired I am of living because I was always never enough for them. Whenever I try to tell them how sad or tired I am, it always ends up as a lecture of how I never have the right to get tired because "I have it easier compared to them when they were young". It gets tiring to always feel like you have no chance to show your emotions, or how tired you are, simply because "someone had it worse".Today I hoped I was never born. I don't know what I am here in this world for. Sometimes I think I was so bad in my past life that I had to be reincarnated to live in a pretentious family with parents who always had to brag me for my achievements and hate me for my failure. I grew up hating myself for that, I grew up always wanting to kill myself, I grew up always wanting to please people even when I know that that task is impossible.Today no one asked me how I am. I should be used to it by now, but I also want someone to ask me if I am still okay because I am honestly not. I hate myself, I hate how I look, I hate everything about myself, and I don't think there's anything nice about me. I always feel insecure and mediocre. I always feel like I am never enough for anyone, not even for myself. I wish I would die in my sleep so I could finally end this pain. I no longer see myself in the future, and everything I do is for the sake of it, of trying to get by, of surviving. I am no longer sure.Today I wanted to die. But I didn't.