I think I have a genuine problem. Like I’m either to scared to fall in love with someone or my past “traumatized” me to the point where my mental state has suppressed the feelings of love and I don’t mean like “man I love my family!” Because I know familial love. I have NEVER in my whole life found anyone attractive enough to be like hey I’d date them! I’ve found people to be cute or adorable I even looked at someone and said they’re hot but never in my life have I looked at someone and said I wish they would ask me out. No one has ever “made my hear skip a beat” I have no idea what it feels like to have feelings for someone that isn’t friendship. I think my whole life I’ve strived to just have friends so much so that the idea of love almost didn’t exist I guess. I’m not saying I never wanted a boyfriend, I don’t ever wanna get married or that idea is crazy to me, I do want that I want all of those things but I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel when I like someone I’ve never had that feeling before and I’m afraid that I never will. So when people ask me why don’t you have a boyfriend I always say “it’ll happen when it happens” because it’s true and it’s how I honestly feel but the other half of me wants to say because mentally I messed up and I don’t even know if I’m capable of being in love. Do you know how much that messes with your brain dreaming about the day you’ll maybe get married and then realizing you might not ever fall in love because you don’t know what that is. As sad as that makes me more than anything it terrifies me will I really be alone forever because I am in capable of being in love. I hate the idea of just saying yes to someone because I’m lonely and not being able to give them the love that they give me and the love that they deserve. I feel like when you read the first half of this you just gonna be like oh you just haven’t found the right person yet and I’ve met some great people or maybe you’ll say you just weren’t attracted to them and to that I say some of them are really cute! I don’t think I am capable of being attracted to someone and that makes me cry.