I always feel like I'm being treated unfairly compared to my siblings. I come from a Chinese family so usually interests related to art are scorned and discouraged and it just so happens that both of my brothers lean more towards the stem side regarding interests while I enjoy arts and I dont really find anything stem related all to interesting. My siblings are always at the top of their class and high level relating to school and it's not that in doing bad or anything but I feel this constant pressure that if I cant maintain at the very least a 97 it just feels like I'm a disappointment. On top of that my family's always judging me for my interests even though they're pretty common and it's really not that hard to find people with similar interest yet they're constantly judging me and criticizing me for the smallest thing and it's so frustrating but I can never say anything back because arguing is a pain and any attempt to change their mind is usually futile. I dont understand how some people have a good relationship with their parents it seems so impossible for me. They also treat me differently. Whenever one of my brothers ask for something they usually take up their request but if I ever ask them for something they judge me and say I have too many wants when I really am not asking for much. I don't get it, why am I treated so differently??? Is it because I'm the only girl in my family, is it because i like art more than stem, why??? They excuse me whenever I complain as just being because "I'm at that age" but what they don't realize is that I've felt like this for years the only difference now is that my frustration has built up so much over these years that I'm close to my breaking point I wish I was 18 and could move out. It feels so suffocating. They always complain and ask why I never leave my room. Do they not realize I have feelings and emotions or something??? I never leave my room because whenever I do I get belittled and scolded at and scorned for the smallest things. I've expressed these emotions somewhat to my friends but I've never been able to truly say everything because if I did I'd feel guilty and like a burden. Everything's so frustrating. It really isnt hard to support your child in their interests and treat all of your children equally. So why is this happening to me? Not to mention I've been raised christian and it's really complicating because I do believe there is a god and I do believe in what the bible says and yet I dont think I'm christian. No one in my family understands how stressful it is for me to just go up and talk to people. They dont get why I hate going to social events so much and usually they're church related. Nobody understands that I literally cried and broke down one time because I was at a recital and didnt know anyone. I tried, I really have to talk to people with ease. They're always asking me, "Why do u like ___ so much" "Why cant you just talk to people" "Why are you so quiet" They dont realize how hard it is for me, how much I've struggled my whole life and how much I've tried to not be like this. I didnt choose to be this way I don't want to be like this but I am. Why dont they understand that I'm the one living in my body, don't you think I'm the most aware of this, I dislike who I am more than they do why arent they able to see that?? I've forced myself into countless uncomfortable, painful, stressful, awkward positions to try to change myself but no matter how many times I try I cant seem to ever change these things they constantly criticize me for. I just feel so done with everything. It feels like I'm stuck in a cycle of self destruction but the cycle becomes harder and harder to escape. What am I supposed to do???

I always feel like I'm being treated unfairly compared to my siblings. I come from a Chinese family so usually interests related to art are scorned and discouraged and it just so happens that both of my brothers lean more towards the stem side regarding interests while I enjoy arts and I dont really find anything stem related all to interesting. My siblings are always at the top of their class and high level relating to school and it's not that in doing bad or anything but I feel this constant pressure that if I cant maintain at the very least a 97 it just feels like I'm a disappointment. On top of that my family's always judging me for my interests even though they're pretty common and it's really not that hard to find people with similar interest yet they're constantly judging me and criticizing me for the smallest thing and it's so frustrating but I can never say anything back because arguing is a pain and any attempt to change their mind is usually futile.I dont understand how some people have a good relationship with their parents it seems so impossible for me.They also treat me differently. Whenever one of my brothers ask for something they usually take up their request but if I ever ask them for something they judge me and say I have too many wants when I really am not asking for much. I don't get it, why am I treated so differently??? Is it because I'm the only girl in my family, is it because i like art more than stem, why??? They excuse me whenever I complain as just being because "I'm at that age" but what they don't realize is that I've felt like this for years the only difference now is that my frustration has built up so much over these years that I'm close to my breaking point I wish I was 18 and could move out. It feels so suffocating.They always complain and ask why I never leave my room. Do they not realize I have feelings and emotions or something??? I never leave my room because whenever I do I get belittled and scolded at and scorned for the smallest things. I've expressed these emotions somewhat to my friends but I've never been able to truly say everything because if I did I'd feel guilty and like a burden. Everything's so frustrating. It really isnt hard to support your child in their interests and treat all of your children equally. So why is this happening to me?Not to mention I've been raised christian and it's really complicating because I do believe there is a god and I do believe in what the bible says and yet I dont think I'm christian. No one in my family understands how stressful it is for me to just go up and talk to people. They dont get why I hate going to social events so much and usually they're church related. Nobody understands that I literally cried and broke down one time because I was at a recital and didnt know anyone. I tried, I really have to talk to people with ease. They're always asking me, "Why do u like ___ so much" "Why cant you just talk to people" "Why are you so quiet" They dont realize how hard it is for me, how much I've struggled my whole life and how much I've tried to not be like this. I didnt choose to be this way I don't want to be like this but I am. Why dont they understand that I'm the one living in my body, don't you think I'm the most aware of this, I dislike who I am more than they do why arent they able to see that?? I've forced myself into countless uncomfortable, painful, stressful, awkward positions to try to change myself but no matter how many times I try I cant seem to ever change these things they constantly criticize me for. I just feel so done with everything. It feels like I'm stuck in a cycle of self destruction but the cycle becomes harder and harder to escape. What am I supposed to do???