I worked but off for yrs. Then I got sick. So I raised our kids. She gets sick & suddenly divorce me. I could have got half of everything. Made her sell house. She’d be in an apartment. Her mom hired her a fancy lawyer. I didn’t want one. They spent months trying to tell my kids how bad a dad I was. She said everything bad about me she could think of in divorce. Her own lawyer laughed at her at times. I just said yes that’s right; even if it wasn’t. I said she was greatest person I ever met, which is true. I gave her everything in divorce. My kids fell apart. My disabled son went from doing great to seizures. Now he won’t talk to me. He says daddy you promised to never leave but you left me. He’s autistic. He thinks I wanted to leave him. Men get fucked in divorces. I visit to keep my other two kids calm. At first she wouldn’t let me but they got very depressed. One is on meds & insisted on moving to her grandparents. I tried to give her full custody because her rich mom was going to sue for it. I didn’t want my ex with her health problems & my kids to go thru that. Plus I have no money. The judge saw I raised them & refused to do that. He also refused me just having visitation. He forced ex to accept full joint custody. Well I had a small retirement she couldn’t touch. Her mom & divorced friends convinced her I was why she was depressed. It was her painful new health issue. So after the divorce she got much worse. I found a trailer near her. Was fixing to buy it. But she needed medical help. Her mom wouldn’t pay. So I did. I delayed my trailer & started saving. She wouldn’t let me see the kids. They got depressed. So did she. She asked me to come back. Kids all happy. Then once they happy she thanks me. They’re better now I can handle it. Kicked me out again. My autistic son started having seizures & almost died. Other 2 had melt downs. She lets me see them once a week. She picks the day & time. Autistic will not talk to me. I raised them. Well he only got help to get him to point where he is learning to walk again because I gave up some more of my trailer money. My youngest got sad & into fights. I had to go work that out & pay for half of private school. That’s over 35% of my small income. I’m disabled & not allowed to work. My daughter had to go on meds & move to grandparents cause she refused to stay there after I got kicked out again. I raised her from birth. My wife is very good to them. But I’m like their mom. I raised them. We had them late in life. I almost died recently. She got so stressed & depressed without me. She said she realized after I was gone that it was her pain from illness & not me. Wanted me back. But said her mom would make her pay all the divorce costs if remarry. Ex got so sick from extra stress that they decide on surgeries. Didn’t work. Needs experimental medical help. If this doesn’t work will probably die. Her mom wouldn’t help. So I took last $ I had & paid for it. I have like $49 in bank. She wanted me take daughter. Youngest ask to come live with me. I can’t. I rent a room far away. Is real cheap but I must stay in the tiny room & can’t have guests. That way I can give her a little extra to keep the house. I go see my kids then repair her house. She can’t afford to hire. But I need to get it done before winter. I almost died recently. Once divorced I have no insurance. My state doesn’t have expanded Medicaid. So I lay in floor for 2 dang weeks eating crackers & water. Don’t know what was wrong cause I have no $ for a fucking doc. I self isolated for 3 wks Incase was Covid. Didn’t have same signs. Probably just my disease. Except now my heart hurts really bad. Yet I went down there & worked hard on her house. I got up early to go do it again today. My health means I can do something for 2-4 hrs that’s sort of strenuous (I have to take lots of breaks); but then I must stay in chair & bed for 6 to recover. So I was up & ready to start my long drive. I’d made appointment to get my shots while down there. She just called with an excuse. Does this for anything. One time her mom wanted to come eat with them. Fuck that. Come over after I leave. She treats me with no courtesy. Oh we’re still best friends & talk on the phone. Go on dates. But once her mom moved right by us I ceased to exist. She’d go there after work. Every weekend. Her mom told me I wasn’t welcome there. At home I’d stay up to see her when she came home. Try to watch a movie & snuggle or talk. Every dang time her mom; one of her sisters; or a friend called. She’d say we will talk in a minute. Then she’d wake me at 11:30. I had to get up at 4 to take meds. Then fix breakfast. Wash clothes. Take kids to schools. Home school one of them all day. Then go get kids. Take to sports. I had to coach some sports. Take to martial arts. Goto games & events. Shop. Clean. Work on house. Help kids with homework. I was always a field trip assistant for all 3 cause one of few dads who could. Ever try to get 30 boys to wash hands. But at divorce I heard how I set on my ass everyday & never did a thing. Oh well. I’m just venting. My disease is so painful. They say it’s worse than childbirth. Don’t know. I’m male. I do know those spinal shots for pregnancy to give birth won’t reduce my pain. Anytime I want I can get enough morphine for the pain, but will die within a yr. a yr of no pain. I’ve been in constant pain since 23. I worked 70 hrs a week for so long. In reality she doesn’t know it but I almost died abput 9 months ago. Did heavy damage to internal organs. I’m a transplant patient. They thought I had 20 more yrs. she still does. But after the damage it was 1-3. So I don’t have much time left anyways. Sorry to complain but it pisses me off. I raised those kids. Now I never get to see them & I have no way to save $ to move closer. I’m so sad. I cry all the time. If my cheap car breaks down I can’t even drive. I eat crackers & water 2 meals a day. The other is a little rice; few veg; & a spoonful of peanut butter. I don’t know what else I can do. I have a 20 yr old cost. 2 tubs of old ratty clothes. Shoes with holes. I look like a bum. I do have a few swords & stuff. But I left in the will that they are my kids when I die. They want them. I promised. So they will get them. I have nothing else to leave them. I can’t get life insurance. I had some but she canceled it to save $ yrs ago. I cry so much.