expectation
revealing
dumbfounded
failure

Expectations

Time Spent- 5m
9 Visitors

sigh

Expectations, something that all of us try to meet and most of the time fail when high expectations are put in place. I've been thinking about writing this a lot recently. Expectations are put only to make others happy, but you have to remember your happiness counts too, and doing both of those things on the first try is only what a perfect human being could do. Obviously none of the people on this planet are anywhere near perfect, but, we try. We try, and that's a thing most of society forgets when everyone starts judging you based on what you wear, based on what you feel, based on how you look, based on every little detail. We try, or at least most of us do. My point is, don't give a frick about what others say about you, because in the end, they don't matter, what matters is how you look at yourself and how happy you are. Honestly, I'm proud of you for dealing with all the BS in your life, which is one of the many reasons why you deserve to be happy.


Now, uhm, this is a venting website, so I suppose I'll get started then.

Mkay, so, basically, my mom bases some of her beliefs and thoughts on stereotypes. One of them is, "girls are always comfortable wearing revealing clothes" or "wear something that makes you look like a girl, not how you look, like a man" then she would tsk and walk away. Seeing as I am the oldest child, (I'm 12, yes, all of this sounds pathetic for a young person but I need to get this out) and a bit of a tomboy, I would of course be the victim for such comments and "attacks". Eventually, after all the relentless commentary on why I dress and act like a boy, and things I knew she was thinking just by her face like, "why are you so insecure about revealing a bit of skin, you're pretty". Yeah, after that, I started to grow these type of thoughts in my head, and whenever I wore clothes that I liked, I would always question myself, "is this an outfit a girl would wear?". It hurt me so much along with my mother's additional commentary, that I so did not need. My mom would make me wear shorts that are too short, I don't dislike them, like, if someone were to wear them out in public, I wouldn't judge because its their choice in clothes, you know? anyways, I'm getting off track, I don't feel comfortable with them, I preferred long shorts that went to my knees. She would get annoyed sometimes. She also comments on the way I sit, like, if I don't sit with my legs crossed and I sit with my legs far apart, then I would be sitting like a boy, and apparently that was bad for some reason. She would also say things like "you're gaining a bit of weight there, you should go exercise to get rid of it". Now, my family is Hispanic, so talking about weight was pretty normal around the house, so that part didn't really affect me as much as the "dress code" my mom had set for me.


Before I tell you about my aunts part in my insecurities. You need to know that I call my sisters, "bro", "dude", and I say "bruh" a lot. My aunt, for some unknown reason, started getting frustrated at me, and one day she decided to confront me about it. The summary of the conversation was, my aunt asked me what bro means, I said "like, friends, I guess?" There are two definitions technically, but I thought that bro was used in that sort of context a lot so I just went with it. I was oblivious as to what she was about to say. She then started lecturing me about how bro means brother, and my siblings weren't boys so I shouldn't call them bro's. I was dumbfounded to say the least, although, I did kind of expect it, seeing as she would also throw some commentary about my clothing here and there. I was annoyed and frustrated. I still am. She's always says it and it irritates me a bit, but I try to hide it.

More recently, we were eating dinner and my dad asked a question out of nowhere. "Why do you always say bro or bruh?" by his tone, I was scared he was mad about me using it to address my sisters a lot of the time. Basically, at first he thought I got the word from a television show, or some game. I protested by saying that a lot of people say it, and its a very common thing to say. He just ended the convo with a "hm..".


So, seeing as I can't do anything that is in my nature without being judged, I have decided that I will become more "girly". I will stop being myself so that maybe they won't be so disappointed that their daughter turned out to be a failure and and a weird kid who is more of a son than a daughter.


Ahem, anyone have any tips? :)