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Family

Almost one year ago, the roommate of my father asked me about the school I applied to and where exactly it is. I said I didn’t know and looked at my father for an answer. He stared at his phone before looking up and saying he wasn’t listening. I flipped out and said it isn’t like my future or anything. I texted my mom to pick me up because I couldn’t stand him in that moment and she said I should ask him to drive me home. So I packed my things, tried to calm down but he came into my room and asked what I was doing. I asked if he could drive me home but he said no. I asked again and again but he said no two more times. So I screamed that I wanted to go home and started crying really bad. I can’t really remember what happened afterwards, but I remember that he screamed that I couldn’t make a serious conversation and that he wasn’t a fool that didn’t know what his own daughter wanted. I think he also called me an ungrateful brat, but I’m not sure about it. Like I said, I can’t really remember. Then he walked out of my room and his roommate came in to calm me down because at this point I was a crying mess. He screamed Fuck Yourself from the hallway.

in the end my Mom came and picked me up. I haven’t seen him in person or talked to him since then, but I still get panic attacks when I see the same cars he possesses on the streets and I still have nightmares, from which I wake up crying.

i was scared he’d hit me.

-bee