I had sex with him,,, a lot,,, like he's my fuck buddy or whatev. He is hot and cute and funny!! He was my first. I was 15 that time and he was 25. He's my crush since I was 13. Guess what, I fell in love with him. I know this is so wrong, I just can't tell anyone about it and I've been keeping this for years. There's a long story behind it so please don't judge me lol. I'm 18 now, I stopped talking to him for a month now and our last sex was last 8 months. Im seeing other peoply while I had sex with him. But then I met this person who makes me wanna change. So now I broke up with him because he don't deserve me, he loves me too much that even he caught me cheating 3 times he still forgave me and love me. Like wtf I can't accept that love, I'm messed up and I'm a cheater. It's really hard not having someone to talk to, it sucks. My uncle didn't even care about me, we never talked about anything personal, we just play. And I really hate myself because I fell for that. Soooo yeah, now, I will move on and be better, so that I will not hurt the next one who's coming to my life. I don't wanna cheat anymore and I don't wanna fall in love with the wrong person anymore.
Re: Family Crush
I can relate to that on certain levels. When I was 13, I had a massive crush on my 23yo step sister. Over a few years I fell in love with her. Nothing ever came of it, and I will never speak those words out loud. I was in a relationship with someone who cheated on me 8 times. I lost my home, family, friends, self respect, life savings, credit score, you name it. Yet, I stayed with her. We were engaged for 3 years before I finally broke it off. My advice to you going forward in relationships is to be the best girlfriend you can be. Be the best human you can be. And be the best you you can be. Find a passion, find your "why". Be driven. Be patient. Let's say you like rock climbing and camping. Would you be happy with someone who sits inside all day? People who sit inside all day are more likely to use dating services than someone who likes the outdoors. And if you meet someone who likes the same kinds of things you do, you will naturally have chemistry. People say "oh go meet someone at a bar, or at church or the library". Keep in mind that the environment you meet someone tells a lot about that kind of person, and you must naturally enjoy that kind of environment to begin with. You get what you reach for. Figure out what makes you tick. Figure out what you like, what you want. Get your life figured out and together. Remember that you must be okay by yourself before being with someone else is healthy. I tried the knight-in-shining-armour routine my entire life. Oh this girl has been raped and abused by everyone she has ever loved. Let me swoop in and fix her. Let me be the 1 guy to show her real love. That's what I told myself. But that isn't love. That's selfishness and pitty. I didn't even know the real her. I had a fantasy person and a "project". Don't do that. As for your sexual past, I don't know what to suggest on that. If my step sister were to offer her body to me, I would take it 100%. But then I know it would cause all kinds of family problems including her going through a divorce. So, I'm not the right person to offer advice on how to handle that.