I really need help. I dont know wht to do. I just feel so self conscious. I'm just 15. I have a million stretch marks; round my waist, on my boobs. My legs are like jumbo sausages. My stomach has no shape at all. My stomach is flappy. My face is fat. My boobs are like a size D and look ridiculous. I feel stupid because everyone else I know is like a size 4 or like up to an 8. I'm like the odd one out in classes or when I meet up with pals. Being a size 14. People take the piss out of me . I'm 11 stone. I'm disgusting. I just want to get a knife and cut it out of me. It's not like I dont exercise,I go exercising every day. I just eat when I'm sad and that's kinda a lot considering I have depression, anxiety and CPTSD. Just wanna die
I don't know if I am the best at consoling people or giving advice since I am 16, but I know that you should keep pushing yourself forward. It may be very hard at the moment and it could be like this for a long time, but if you end things now, you might never know what greatness you would've achieved in the future. One day you will feel the acceptance and joy that you want, and I promise that all this pain and sadness will be worth any amount of happiness. There are people out there that love you soo much for who you are, and even if you think no one does, trust me someone does.
aww im so sorry first off you are perfect no need to fit in you arent disgusting you being you is amazing and you deserve the world do you and if you wan to change thats up to you and bulling yourself does nothing love yourself as it is and change at your own pace and just love yourself on the adventure stretch marks are beautiful and show the progress youve made
Hi sweets; you are one of us. Let me tell you about me. At first you will think I’m what you wish you were; then you will realize I’m just like you.
In my high school & college days I was a super stud. My face looks like a movie star. My body was 275 lbs of sculpted muscles. Cheerleaders & beautiful women threw themselves at me. I have a giant penis & can have relations for hrs. I was the top student in high school & college. I was great at sports. Companies lined up to offer me jobs. I was already being paid to draw blue prints in college. I married a beautiful sweet cheerleader. Sounds great huh?
A disease hit me. Gave me PTSD. That gave me anxiety & depression. My wife discovered I’d been hiding my autism. I lost my job; retirement; savings; house. My wife divorced me. I’ve nearly died so many times I lose count. I nearly died recently. When they released me I set out in the cold rain for hrs waiting on someone I had to beg to come get me.
I’ve been throwing up for days. I’m running a fever. I can’t afford to go seek medical help. I’m a transplant recipient.
As a boy my Spanish looking dad tossed me out for looking Scandinavian. I look like Thor. DNA proved I was his but he still didn’t want me. I was given away as a boy. I spent nearly two years locked in a dark room.
I was so pretty that people wanted to touch me. I endured many years of extreme torture; rape; etc. I looked like a beautiful girl to pervs. As a 12 yr old a giant man raped me. At 13 I started turning into Thor. Oh the pervs were afraid to touch me now; but I was still just a pretty toy.
Beautiful women wanted me. I had never even been hugged; but now beautiful ladies asked me out. They wanted to see me nude; touch me; me to touch them. Imagine A more muscular Thor from the movies is suddenly in front of you. I was invited to parties. Hot females would get nude & try to seduce me. But here’s the thing; I’m autistic. I don’t want sex; I want someone to hold my hand & love me.
Every time I fell in love I realized it was one way. Hot females wanted to use me; but not keep me. Dudes wanted me on their sports teams; but not around them. Classmates wanted my help to pass; but not to be my friend.
Now I spend everyday alone. I set in a dark room. This phone is my only connection to the world.
At 7 I asked my dad why he loved my sis but not me. He pointed to my ugly blond hair. My ugly blue eyes. My massive bone structure. I was supposed to look Spanish. He told me I was broken & retarded. I started praying for God to kill me every day. I tried to kill myself but failed.
I have been very sad every single day since that day. I know I mean nothing to this world. When I die only my kids & ex will care. But let me tell you about my life.
As a boy I saved a white boy from drowning. At 19 I saved a little black girl from being ran over. I fought two gay bashers & saved a tiny gay man. I fought a man who was beating his wife. I used to give money & food to the homeless. I have defended gay; old; disabled; overweight; & other people.
In high school I fought 3 football players to save a disabled boy they were beating up. The football coach had me expelled from school. Life isn’t fair.
I’ve been homeless; eaten out of trash cans; eaten bugs. Life can be cruel.
But I know something. Heaven is real. Jesus loves everyone; including overweight; unattractive; or gay people. We all matter. I don’t goto Church; don’t tithe. But I do pray.
I raised 3 great kids. I helped raise my nieces & little sis. One niece is very overweight. She found an unattractive man who married her. Their marriage has conflict; they all do, but she has great kids.
You can’t wait on this world to love you. As an autistic this world never wanted me. But I still brought a little good to it anyways. They didn’t love me; but I loved them. When I die I’ll die alone. It may be days before I’m found. The state will probably use my body since I’ll have no money or voice. I’ll be treated like trash yet again. But I wasn’t trash. Yes; I’m broken, but I was a good person.
This life seems long but it’s over in the blink of an eye. In Heaven we will look how we wish. I won’t be autistic there. You will look however you wish.
But don’t be in a hurry to get there. Live this life. At 7 my dad stared in my eyes & said your broken; I don’t want you. My mom said worse to me. So I tried to kill myself. Had I done that who would have raised money for the United Way; saved those lives; stood up for people; fed the homeless; raised my kids; paid for my sis heart surgery; housed & fed my nieces. I’ve been very unhappy my entire life; but I still made this world a better place.
God made you beautiful. Jesus loves you. Find a little joy in life everyday. Spread a little joy when you can. Don’t worry about your weight; all being pretty ever got me was raped.