i always wonder if i am my parent's real kid, cause i got two brothers and they look completely different from me. and sometimes, i feel like im just i don't know anymore, just feeling down a lot lately. and i find a lot of different ways my parents treat me and my brothers, they don't and won't admit it of course but i always feel scared in my own house, like when will they yell at me, and have i done everything right, i hope i don't have to cry today. and since last year nothing's going right, i'm getting more lazy and not studying as well as i used to, but then i've always been academically good and i've got all these expectations i got to keep up, i wish i wasn't good in the first place so that i don't have to feel this pressure i just don't want to live the life i'm living anymore, but then again i got nowhere else to go.lol. for a while, i wished to get the virus and just die maybe but a few weeks back i tested positive (what a coincidence!) and i got all flushed and scared, i realized i didn't really want to die and was not ready to. so i just feel trapped between what i don't know, maybe life and death. living the life i don't really wanna live and not ready to leave too soon. i guess tha'ts all for today, i'll probably be coming here a lot haha.