Feeling confined

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I am a closet agnostic-atheist, asexual and aromantic female who does not want kids. I have not told anyone in my life that I am this person because I know of the looks I will get and the questions and the preceeding "conversion" to be on the "right path" that suits their understanding of the "nature of things", except for not wanting kids to a few people to gauge their response. And what do you know - acted exactly as I expected. I honestly am hurt by the conservative and closed-minded restrictions that are forced on people who identifies as what I identify. The society I live in will mock, question, convert, discriminate such individuals.

I also don't feel safe as a woman, I can't do things freely and I have to constantly be on my guard in whatever I do, which makes me wish I were male. Not because I'm trans, but because I want the freedom and opportunities a man gets, no questions asked.

Not to mention, I don't know what I want to do with life. I hate office culture and the country I live in discriminates its gender and racial minority so even government agencies won't work as well.

Oh, and I am also a bit depressed. Sometimes, very depressed. I am also occasionally suicidal. Never told a soul about this. I guess I feel this way cause of all the accumulated issues of experiencing and learning of the bullshit that people endure. Sometimes I am angered by the bigotry and society's fallacy of it all.

Now I'm just tired. On occasion I would be discouraged or mad or both, with all of this, but I still feel tired. I wish I could just end the damn world sometimes, but I guess that'd be selfish. Hah...

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