so, I like to make fake scenarios every time I have the time, but mostly I do it before I drifted to sleep it help me a lot to feel calm from all the stress I have. Buuuuut! damn! I didn't know it could give a bad affect to my reality. Sheeeesh now I cant help myself to stop making fake scenarios. Like, dude I cant just fall asleep without making a good story. Example, watching Darkling kissing Alina. Ughh so sexy *adding this later or seeing DILF in the street and imagining one day I would marry him. STOP. No you cant dumb ass. You don't even know him and talk to him. He's a completely stranger. Also, I'm a person who has a big ego, like no babe you cant just steal a plane and fly it away to the island you have been dreaming to go. This what I thought when I drove past the airport lmao. Okay, I have many of them, like when my brother failed his exam and my brain just like "this person is so dumb. It is too easy to get an A with those questions" lmao said the one who failed all her classes in high school. There is another one. I FFFFFFFFFFFFFF hate my body. I'm having a body dysphoria and i just realised I had an ED two years ago that I did not even see it. And, I'm here in the process to fix my self and trying so bad to get my life together. also, I lost my ability to socialise. I'm feeling so lonely even tho I have my families with me. Its just hard to talk to my old friends idk why it feels so heavy to start the conversation. I'm even ghosting my best friend now. I'm such a sh1tty person I swear. I used to have this life before uni. I have a lot of friends, good life, no pressure in life, first time I feel like a person since I was bullied in junior school because I was fat and smelly (my class mate told me). Anyways, now I have this things in my mind. How do I get a good job for my future, taking care my parents, siblings, and my social life. Tf I cant even help myself to get out from the insecurity. Thank you.