I am 20 and I feel that my life ended here. I have no vision to future. Everything will be almost same All my life. Go to work then get some terrible sleep then go to work again. And all od this beacuse I can't push myself to do anything. I almost never feel happy, I have hard time even standig up from my bed but every day I have to put on fake smile and pretend like it's everything fine. I do that because I don't want to put weight of my problems on other people, I would rather hide my pain and help others then show what is wrong with me. I have no hobbies. I tried doing a lot of things but sooner or later everything looses point of doing it for me. Only thing keeping me going is that I would hurt people if I ended it. i don't see point in living and it has been like that for a long time, but I don't have strenght or will to change anything. My head hurts from my loud toughts and overthinking. A haven't had good sleep in many years.
A few months ago I have met one girl. She is person who fills me with joy as soon as I see her. But I don't know what to do. On one side I want her to be my love but on the other hand I wouldn't want to put weight of my problems on her. I know even that she probably likes me to but I am scared to make a move. I am shy to do something. I don't know what to do.