This is my first time venting out. This is the first time my feelings are out in the universe rather than in my mind. This is the first time I've had the courage to even feel like reaching out. Lost my job six months ago. Was forced to leave the country I've called home for more two decades. Left my friends who meant more than family. Coming back to live my folks did not make me feel relieved, but it felt more like I was a coward who just gave up. My home country feels foreign to me and not having anyone to even talk to is beginning to take a toll on me. Applying for jobs feels more and more difficult each day. My insomnia which used to be manageable has gotten way worse now. I haven't slept through the night in what feels like eternity. I read through the various posts on this site and immediately sensed I was not alone. But what bothers me, is this guilt that I cannot seem to shake off. A guilt that makes me wonder, "What have I to be depressed of ? What is my excuse for not having achieved my family expects of me ? Why am I not happy ?"Now all of a sudden I feel embarrassed for having said everything I just did. Maybe I am over reacting and all of this is only in my head.