Tldr: I met this girl last fall and we tried dating a couple of times but for various reason it didn't work out however she is now one of my best friends. I'm struggling to figure out my feelings, how do you know if you are genuinely attracted to someone/want to be in a relationship with them versus being in love with the *idea* of them? We originally matched on tinder back in Sept and we hit it off instantly. Like we would text 24/7 despite neither of us being really big texters. We found out we shared a class and before long we fell into a routine where I'd go to her place to hang out after class every week. We went on a couple dates but my mental health was rough so we decided to call it off but still remained friends. We continued to hangout and talk for hours every week so naturally we became closer. Everything was strictly platonic but I still had a huge crush on her. When I fall, I fall HARD and part of me wished that we could have a relationship but I wasn't too hopeful and didn't want to ruin our friendship. At the end of January we were chilling as per usual when she asked me if I wanted to date. It took me a moment actually register what she said and I awkwardly confessed that I still really liked her but was too scared to say anything. She then asked if she could kiss me and being the ball of anxiety that I am I lowkey panicked. She was really understanding and didn't push it, instead she made sure I was okay and comfortable as I explained that this was my first relationship and I've never kissed anyone yet.. even though I was awkward and we didn't do anything it was still a great night and I was ecstatic. The problem is that I'm a ball of anxiety and I tend to overthink everything and freeze up A LOT. This translates to poor verbal and nonverbal communication (not knowing what to say, poor conversation skills, body language out of wack, etc). For obvious reasons it caused strain in the relationship and everything felt forced/not natural. This lead to quite a few arguements and at one point we didn't talk for a solid 2 weeks (keep in mind prior to this we basically talked 24/7). Between that and again with my mental health (which I have been continuously working on) we decided to break up and just be friends. That was late February. Everything went back to status quo but things were a bit different but still we were on good terms. Once COVID hit and we both went home we haven't been talking nearly as much because she worked full time and neither of us use our phones that much while home. We've had the occasional conversation and every time it leaves me feeling all light and warm on the inside. I miss her a lot and can't wait for the fall so I can see her again The other day she sent me a text saying that not to be emotional on main but she has been thinking about me a lot lately and misses me. And honestly same, I think about her all the time and I smile like a fool every time we talk. Even though there has been plenty of arguements I still get that warm, happy feeling that i did when we first started talking. I know a relationship wouldn't work but part of me thinks I still want one with her. I just don't know if I actually want a relationship or if I just really like the idea or what.. I'm not very good with this sort of thing

Tldr: I met this girl last fall and we tried dating a couple of times but for various reason it didn't work out however she is now one of my best friends. I'm struggling to figure out my feelings, how do you know if you are genuinely attracted to someone/want to be in a relationship with them versus being in love with the *idea* of them?We originally matched on tinder back in Sept and we hit it off instantly. Like we would text 24/7 despite neither of us being really big texters. We found out we shared a class and before long we fell into a routine where I'd go to her place to hang out after class every week. We went on a couple dates but my mental health was rough so we decided to call it off but still remained friends. We continued to hangout and talk for hours every week so naturally we became closer. Everything was strictly platonic but I still had a huge crush on her. When I fall, I fall HARD and part of me wished that we could have a relationship but I wasn't too hopeful and didn't want to ruin our friendship.At the end of January we were chilling as per usual when she asked me if I wanted to date. It took me a moment actually register what she said and I awkwardly confessed that I still really liked her but was too scared to say anything. She then asked if she could kiss me and being the ball of anxiety that I am I lowkey panicked. She was really understanding and didn't push it, instead she made sure I was okay and comfortable as I explained that this was my first relationship and I've never kissed anyone yet.. even though I was awkward and we didn't do anything it was still a great night and I was ecstatic.The problem is that I'm a ball of anxiety and I tend to overthink everything and freeze up A LOT. This translates to poor verbal and nonverbal communication (not knowing what to say, poor conversation skills, body language out of wack, etc). For obvious reasons it caused strain in the relationship and everything felt forced/not natural. This lead to quite a few arguements and at one point we didn't talk for a solid 2 weeks (keep in mind prior to this we basically talked 24/7). Between that and again with my mental health (which I have been continuously working on) we decided to break up and just be friends. That was late February.Everything went back to status quo but things were a bit different but still we were on good terms. Once COVID hit and we both went home we haven't been talking nearly as much because she worked full time and neither of us use our phones that much while home. We've had the occasional conversation and every time it leaves me feeling all light and warm on the inside. I miss her a lot and can't wait for the fall so I can see her againThe other day she sent me a text saying that not to be emotional on main but she has been thinking about me a lot lately and misses me. And honestly same, I think about her all the time and I smile like a fool every time we talk.Even though there has been plenty of arguements I still get that warm, happy feeling that i did when we first started talking. I know a relationship wouldn't work but part of me thinks I still want one with her. I just don't know if I actually want a relationship or if I just really like the idea or what.. I'm not very good with this sort of thing

I've been through this as well, where O can't decide if I like the person or just the idea of them. Based upon how you guys were able to make up after arguments and still care for eachother seems like more of a reason to start a relationship in my opinion. People who date and get married go through ups and downs together, but what matters is being able to rise up stronger and still love eachother. If you still can't decide whether your feelings are genuine, what worked for me was hooking up with the person without commitment. You'll either feel more of a connection, or realize it was nothing special with them.

I've been through this as well, where O can't decide if I like the person or just the idea of them. Based upon how you guys were able to make up after arguments and still care for eachother seems like more of a reason to start a relationship in my opinion. People who date and get married go through ups and downs together, but what matters is being able to rise up stronger and still love eachother. If you still can't decide whether your feelings are genuine, what worked for me was hooking up with the person without commitment. You'll either feel more of a connection, or realize it was nothing special with them.