I lived thru hell as a kid. Had a photographic memory. I have PTSD. Now I relive the abuse as if it’s real. When awake I can deal. But when asleep I’m there again. I wake up shaking in terror as if it’s happening. I’m a kid again being hurt.
Here’s what’s weird. I’ve ridden a wild horse like in rodeos. Been circled by a shark. Been shot it. Hung out the door of a military helicopter. Yet memories of being mollested as a four yr old is what scares me.
Once again I can’t go back to sleep. Usually my tricks put me back to sleep. But sometimes not. I hate this. So tired just want to sleep. But brain too nervous to let me.