I had it pretty tough growing up. On paper. I mean it really sounds awful... looking back, it doesn’t feel alll that bad. Maybe that’s coping techniques, maybe kids are just resilient, maybe i just got lucky. Who knows. Anyway, my feelings on it are nothing but positive. I hold no grudges against druggy mom kinda scary family members, none of it. Even though, on paper, i should. I should be mad. But i really don’t which sounds crazy. I wouldn’t believe me. Now, that’s not to say that it didn’t affect me...’especially later in life I’ve learned some of why i am the way i am about certain things. It has helped me accept that i have good reason for some fault... they are a normal response to the events in my life, and I’ve worked on them. I’ve seen people so awful things but knew they were not bad people. It has given me the ability to show a lot Of grace where otters night not. I’m truly grateful for all of it. Here’s the question. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve often wondered if I’m fooling myself. If I’m more hurt than i think i am. Should i explore that? Perhaps I’m not as ok as i think i am... should i se a therapist and at least get a perspective. I like me. I’m happy. Im tough.. but am ii fooling myself? But it i go fishing, i could change my perspective on it. I could remember more... maybe be mad or sad or whatever. My biggest fear is that some crazy is gonna pop out of nowhere and throw me for a loop. Is it always best to bring up the past? Even iif it is denial, ignorance cab be bliss. I’m 33, married, 4 kids...happy. Thoughts?
Re: Fooling yourself?
My guess is that you are female? Anyways this answer is geared towards a female. I think you need to look into counseling. Maybe just try 1 or 2 sessions to see how it goes. But truly give yourself into the process. That was my mentality and it truly saved my marriage and my second half my life after kids we’re grown. I had a similar up bringing, no real mom and dad to show me a loving relationship. Which meant I didn’t know how to properly love, but I hid it well. I was secretively depressed. And my husband was everything I wanted, basically perfect. However for some reason that made me cheat. I couldn’t appropriately turn away male attention. He never knew but that’s what prompted me looking for therapy. Are you depressed? Have you ever cheated in your marriage emotionally or physically? Anyways don’t fear the digging up the past it will allow you to confront it with adult emotion and set yourself free! Let us know how it goes.