this is weird and i haven’t done this ever but i have been crying for hours and i cant think of anything else. i am putting 110% more effort into all of my friendships then my friends are. they are all closer with each other than they are with me and i have initiate all plans and i am forced to switch my schedule around to make time for them if i want to keep the friendships alive. i love them all but it is painful to constantly feel excluded and uncared for by my best friends. i just don’t know how i can keep up with this but i’m not ready to let them go. i also don’t know how to talk about this with them because it would feel so weird. my anxiety and loneliness has gotten significantly worse this year but then again it would be worse if i had no friends. i feel so lost.