Time Spent- 8m
15 Visitors

Friends

I know that if I wasn't surrounded by the friends I have now I wouldn't be here today, so many aspects of myself I hate and many of them I am unable to change. I know one day I will learn to live with them or they will affect me less but I sometimes wish I was alone so I could take the easier route and nobody would care. My friends always talk about how relationships are overrated but I just want to know that somebody wants me and sometimes I worry no-one ever will. I feel like I'm around only to make others feel better and I won't find happiness like my friends have. I know that I have ruined many friendships with the way I was and is be naive to think that I'm not doing the same now. No matter how much I change my personality or appearance I still feel unwanted outside of friendships and I don't like myself enough to have pictures of myself. Dating apps are impossible because of how terrifying they seem and I worry that it would only further these beliefs and I'd be pushed over the edge. I'm too quick to play off things that hurt me as a joke so that nobody is concerned but it eats me up inside when I'm alone. I want to share this with my friends but I worry they will say something that will unintentionally make me feel so much worse