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Fuckboy who I love

I don’t know why I am really into this guy who I know uses me only for sex.

Writing something to him that I always wanted to but couldn’t. Here it goes. Hope some of you will be able to relate

“Hi, I know we don’t have anything to do with each other but there is something that you said to me which has been stuck in my mind ever since. I have always been very introverted and inexpressible about how I feel about a certain situation or someone and when I have tried to I have blown it because it’s just simply not my thing.

And once when I felt helpless and told you I don’t know how to explain how I feel you said to me this is the inherent tragedy of life that we can’t really explain how we feel. I felt the most understood at that moment. This is a what I have been struggling throughout my life. Everyone I ever knew only tried to force me to speak up and said they would understand and they never really did. You were the only person who said you won’t. Thanks for being honest at that point.

It really really hurt me then. It has been at the back of my mind and it hurts me every time I think of it. I hated how you dismissed my feelings. I always tried to be respectful of yours. I always thought your intent was never to hurt me but just to have what you wanted at that point in time. This honesty made me vulnerable. May be that’s what I liked about you. It’s very very strange. I felt extremely manipulated but it was so twisted it only intrigued me.

At times I think why you didn’t like me. May be it was because I gave in too easily. You understood me inside out. I was too simple for you. You like complexity. There was nothing else that would excite you about my simplicity. I took my time to understand you but you never opened up. It was annoying but may be that was what was attractive. Most of the days I hate you. But on other days I feel just amazed thinking how intelligently you did everything.”