my friends stopped talking to me.guess I just suck or something.haven't messaged me in weeks.I know they're fine. they go on and offline. change their status.its just me they ignore.I didnt think I was that bad of company.'s fine.I've started talking to myself in hopes I'll get some semblance of companionship.'s all good.sucks to have confirmation no one likes me.I mean I've kinda known it, but obviously I'd ignore it.I know it's me who's the issue because its several of my friends, all from different parts of my life, all people who dont know eachother.'s fine.cant even cry anymore cause my meds prevent it. fucking antidepressants.I literally just learned to care about my own life.but I mean if I'm shitty enough that no one wants to even say the occasional "hello", the fuck does my life matter. I'm not suicidal because I care about my life for god knows what reason.but fuck if I wish I was right now.make things nice and simple for me.I already know how I'd do it.but i fucking care about myself for no good reason.no one gives a crap about me and goddamn it I fucking hate everything right now.they left me at the worst fucking time. 'm all fucking alone now. not a single fucking soul to talk to. got me myself and I. fucking lovely.didnt think i was that shitty but the more you know i guessgot the crappiest personality i guess fucking scum of the earth, I must be.worst fucking thing god ever madea burden to all who meet me.so hard to like that even the nicest people I know wont even talk to meI tried to be niceI tried to be goodI tried to be funI tried to be friendlyI tried my FUCKNG BEST.my best is still so awful that everyone leaves.wonder how they'd think of me if I wasnt trying at all.if they leave me when I'm good they'd probably fucking kick me while I'm down if I was acting normal.goddamn everyonefuck everyone I've ever met for always leaving mefuck everyone for leaving behind this SHELL OF A GODDAMN PERSONfuck everyone for not caring abt me at allfuck everyone I swear to godI dont deserve this shit. who got to decide I had to be shat on at every twist and turn of my life.fucking abused as a child, I was abusive cause of that to my friends in elementary. got into a fight in the 4th grade that made all my friends leave me. 6th through 8th my friends were scared of me. I didnt do anything. I was always nice to them. I have some trauma that I cant even remember but still affects me to this day. all the therapists I've ever had just made things worse. they put me down, they called me lazy, said I "caused that fight. I should've respected my mother" said "you arent depressed. this is just being lazy. you can do things but you just wont." told me "you never show emotion. you're always lying." claim "you cant keep saying 'I dont know'. you have to know. it's about you. you're always just avoiding things. you avoid everything.". went to different schools every year of highschool. didnt even finish freshman and sophomore year. sent to the mental hospital where they tried to feed me microwaved fish and the kid in my room talked about suffocating people while they were sleeping. parents verbally abused eachother. brother physically and mentally abused me. couldnt make any friends in my last couple years of high school. teachers didnt like me. anyone I met didnt keep contact for long. Corona struck and now I'm stuck alone all day every day and the last couple people I had are ignoring me. it's fine. everything is great. I'm having a blast. so yeah, it's all good, I'm fine, everything is ok, and I'm not going crazy. thanks for asking.