I have no reason to be sad. No reason at all. I have good friends, an intact family, all my fingers and toes. I go to a good school. I like music. I enjoy making art and writing stories and playing video games. Sometimes I look at the sky and literally lose my breath because the world can be so unendingly, unerringly beautiful.But I feel like I'm drowning. All the time. Every place. I haven't cried in nine years, and yet each moment carries with it an undercurrent of deep, constant sorrow. I can't understand it. What possible reason could I have for knowing sorrow? I'm fine. I smile and I laugh. I get angry and I make jokes. I talk to my friends. They're excellent friends, too; funny and interesting and complex. I have two parents and two siblings and a neat little family unit and many relatives overseas. I have a job. I am not rich, but I am not poor either. Nothing should be making me sad. Nothing. Yes, I have everything I need. And I have no excuse for why it's not enough. Look at this. I have written "I" so many times already, like the world revolves around me. Even this anonymous post on a nondescript website is culpable; it's the tiniest of indulgences, like I'm allowing myself a few moments to acknowledge the invisible and indelible weight I always carry around, but I feel nonetheless guilty for it. Like I'm fetishizing my own sadness. Like a few moments are equivalent to an obsession. Maybe they are. The truth is I don't know why I feel what I feel. I only know I feel too much of it, too often. I've seen sadness described as a crushing emptiness — an aching, echoing hole right in the centre of your chest where it can't be ignored. I wish I was empty. I wish I could feel the wind blowing through a hole in my chest and hear the whistle of it, like a stamp of veracity, like proof that something is indeed wrong. Instead, I am so full. I am bursting at the seams with sorrow. It drags on my insides like a physical thing, draining me of all authenticity when I smile, and laugh, and get angry, and make jokes. It alters everything. It might as well be shooting out of my fingertips, bleeding through my skin, leaving smudges on everything I touch. Even if the tears don't come from my eyes, they are everywhere else. So I do not know why I am sad. I only know that I am. Maybe one day it will get the better of me, but until then I remain awake, perplexed and aching, confused and alone, crying with every remaining grin. 

Sadness is confusing

TW - sexual assault I am 18 years old, new to “aldulthood”. I don’t know if this is the same with everyone but apparently turning 18 is seen as a free pass for a lot of things. firstly people just think that you want sex off everyone, I don’t. In fact my verginity was fucking stolen. How is that fair? secondly, my messed up family thinks that I am now old enough to hear all the horrible things that they have all done. My grandfather sexually assaulting my sister, all of them do coke. My mum being a prostitute and also the fact that my other grandad is a cheating cunt, who treats my nan like shit. But just because I and the only one who thinks this is fucking disgusting and speaks up, I get beat the fuck out of, thrown out. I would never kill myself but if I was going to, right now seems like a good time to. I could never leave my younger sister behind. She is my life.

Truth comes out when you’re 18

Dear M/s UGC, I am a student of English Literature pursuing an UG course from BHU and as per my statement to the Education Times, I told them that during my 1st semester exams and my 2nd semester exams I was offered 7 papers each and during my 3rd semester exams I was offered 8 papers, currently our 4th semester exams got cancelled due to a notice regarding precautionary steps during COVID-19 as a preventive measure as we are currently in our intermediate semester and the exam is for the terminal semester students, now during my 5th semester what should I concentrate on to pursue my future goal which is filmmaking and animation? 

The State of My Education

There were days when I remembered ever so vividly the time where I was riding the bus to home, my head leaning on the glass window pane, watching the view of Never-ending houses, landscape and people...easing the sleepiness and the boredom. It was a late December morning and I was heading home, I scooted away from the man on my side, because of uneasiness. As I look over the window, I have noticed the bus passing by your street and I suddenly remembered you. It had been seven months since I last saw you and we haven't spoken a word even before that. We were never really used at saying hi or even gave a simple wave lest conversing for hours. It was that I was used by your presence that I felt a part of me was lost the moment I've decided to leave home, and you are home.I was overwhelmed by the homesickness I've felt for you that I thought the figure before me was only a dream, but when I blinked several times I saw you...there,in your red basketball Jersey and was about to cross the road. I sat right up and just sat there, looking stupidly at you, missing you...longing for you, unconsciously my tears poured like rain drizzling in the middle of a sunny day. I was not sad, I was overjoyed. For the last months, I haven't seen even a shadow of you. Happy was an understatement that time, I've called my sister while sobbing, and told her I've seen you, she was happy too and I do not know the reason why, because she doesn't approve of you. Until the bus halted, I felt giddy and I can't stop grinning from ear to ear, even though you haven't seen me, I was contented.Up until now you continued to invade my mind with the thought of how are you doing, where are you now, for days. Even my dreams were of you,retelling the past, of how you were always there subtly, the feeling of heat radiating from your shoulders as they bump with mine and when you suddenly held my hand when they were cold as corpse and brought warmth in me.I just remembered you that's all, because I was thinking about you and I dreamt of you. I just kinda...miss you. That's all. 

To Guy I Will Never Forget(I pray)

Hello dear,call me Judy. I have been where you are.My mom would call me ugly, my class teacher would bully me for years. But you know what? one day I decided enough is enough. Though young, I decided no one was going to describe me to myself-ever! Surprisingly, I was also 14 then. I was about to sit for a paper that would greatly change my life and I was not in the mood of letting people who had made up their minds not to like me ruin my grades... That attitude helped a great load. I stopped focusing on my class teacher's mean words and my mums mistreatment and chose to love myself...I passed that paper and you should have seen the look on my class teacher's face when I went for my results....It has been many years and I am so glad I chose me...Listen little one,you do not have a mental problem at all...being so young and tossed  on around by adults who don't care is so confusing. But,I really need you to do me a favor and choose you. I know you are young and this is hard on you but,baby girl, stop with the cutting... You,just like me,will one day look back and be glad you chose strength over weakness.You are at a stage where your body is changing.Please understand that your body and that of your friends react differently in adolescence. My niece is 16 now and she has had a problem with her weight.I do not take easily adults commenting carelessly on her weight. Since she was 11,I have taught her to be confident and develop a thick skin.It is just sad that most of the bullies are adults! I am not asking you to stand up to your parents but I am asking you not to mind their words at all.Maybe you could try an outdoor activity that keeps you away from them if it is not dinner or lunch or breakfast.Also sign into a school activity that will keep you occupied and drift your thoughts from harming yourself.I will be here if you need someone to talk to.

Re: a little help?

HELLO EVERYONE I'M 11 YEARS OLD GIRL AND IN DEPRESSED.MY PARENTS GOT A DIVORCE BEFORE TWO YEARS AFTER COURT'S JUDGEMENT I GOT CUSTODY TO MAMMA AND MY LITTLE TO DADDY...NOW MOM IS IN RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER GUY WHO'S NOT SUPPORTIVE TOWARDS ME HE ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL BAD I TOLD MOM ABOUT THIS BUT SHE DOESN'T LISTEN SHE TOLD SHE LOVES THE GUY AND SHE PROBABLY DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT I FEEL I WANT TO LIVE WITH DAD HE'S ALWAYS SUPPORTIVE TOWARDS ME HE REMARRIED..I KNOW THAT WOMAN SHE'S SUPPORTIVE BECAUSE SHE'S A MOTIVATOR AND A DOCTOR I MET MY SISTER T SCHOOL SHE TOLD HER NEW MOM LOVES HER A LOT AND WANTS ME ALSO TO LIVE WITH ME AND I ALSO WANTS THE SAME MY MOM AND HER NEW PARTNER ISN'T GOOD THEY USE BAD WORDS LIKE THE WORD F AND OTHER AND ALSO THEY ROMANCE A LOT I FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR THIS I WANT TO LIVE WITH AND HER NEW PARTNER AND THEIR SISTER BUT I HAVE FEAR OF TELLING MOM BECAUSE SHE'S SCARY SHE SCOLDS ME A LOT AND I'M SURE SHE'S USING ME AS DAD PUT MANY MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT FOR STUDY AND SHE ALWAYS TRIES TO GET ALL THE MONEY..SHE NEVER GIFTED ME ANYTHING OR GAVE ME ANYTHING ALL I'M GETTING ARE FROM DAD AND HIS NEW PARTNER THEY LOVES ME A LOT..I'VE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NOW ANY ADVICE?

MY LIFE

OH I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT..IF YOU ARE SORRY THAN IT'S GREAT  SHARE YOUR FEELINGS TO YOUR MOM...I'M SURE YOU MAY GET FORGIVE IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TRY NOW TOO...SAY SORRY TO MOM IN FRONT OF HER NOT HERE ANONYMOUSLY  THAT'S MY REQUEST ALL THE BEST..

Re: I'm sorry mom

HiRefer me as moonHow have u been doing How was your dayHave u eaten I know you're already doing so so much better.. ..and your worth it...I can understand cause it's not just you it happened with me tooBut I control my emotions rather than wanted and begging another person attention. .I give myself my attention all the love and care I give to myselfCause I know I'm worth itNo one else love u more than u do to yourself Hope u understand and wanna tell u I'm here for you Fighting ^^ as always Luv ya

Re: Lonely

HiiRefer me as moonAnd you  don't anyone in life...like seriously. ...you deserve everything in life And one more thing. ..as u can saw others posts you can see no one is perfect. ..everyone has flaw  ..don't worry about yours too...we are  humans ...humans made mistake then realize than improve and that's how we all grow up ...Remember life is not meant to live in backward ..its for look forward my luv....If u don't appreciate your presence no one else will doHope u understand meAnd wrote all you heart out ..Remember there 7 billion people in world and no one I I repeat not even 1 person is perfect. ..just some people good to hide their flaw.....🌙And follow the post to see if someone wrote something on yours or If u wrote something on someone post. .You can do it and well your doing already good:)

Re: I don't deserve anyone in my life

I'm so sorry mom for not being a good son to you and a good brother to casey and Taylor I wish I could just fucking man up and apologize to you and give you a hug and tell you I love you. I haven't given you a hug since I was 12 years old. The only thing stopping me from going away is knowing you would have to pay for my funeral and you couldn't afford the apartment without me working. I'm sorry for being such a lazy disrespectful piece of shit and a fucking failure. I'm sorry mom

I'm sorry mom

Hi. First time here. I don't even know what to say. 

I don't deserve anyone in my life

I feel so fucking lonely, I fantasize about having that one person that would care for me and ask me how my day was or ask what’s wrong when I’m quiet. I want that one person that would take a second and care about me. I know my family loves me but they think my quietness and seriousness is my personality because it’s been going on for so long. They never took a second out of their days to ask what’s going on with me. When my brothers are being annoying my mom will say “I see why you don’t hang out with them” jokingly but as she says those words I think to myself, if only you knew why. I find more comfort venting on here then talking to my mom. She always tries to make something positive when I vent to her when really I just want her to listen, sometimes she blames in on “that time of the month” when I truly know that it’s not that.If you made it though this rant, thanks for listening. <3 x

Lonely

First, thanks for reading. idk about you, but most of the time, i feel like i can never accomplish anything, like I'm a side character in my own story, like everyone else is the main character, or a special guest that gets all the attention, like I'm a side character or an extra in the back. thats all really, but i cant tell if y friends are there for me or if my friends just there so that they can have  5th in their games. thansk for reading.

Life and its characters

I honestly don't get why people can't just accept what others identify as. Like shit, I'm genderfluid and I might even me ftm (female to male, trans). But that's not a big deal because it's based on my gender identification. I honestly don't get how people don't get that gender is based around the mind and how someone feels. There are plenty of people who do research on this stuff that will tell you that sex and gender are not the sameNow I'm not in the mood for any arguments, you can go ahead and have an opinion that "theres only 2 genders" when actually theres not- ANYWAYS thats fine, just learn to respect peopleSome people identify as non-binary and use they/them which yes, they/them can be used in the singular formI don't understand why that bothers people especially since they are just identifying as something that makes them comfortable. Like I really don't get why it's such a big deal. If someone looks like something (male or female), why would you refer to them as that because there are plenty of things that people look like that if we referred to them as what they looked like, we would get labeled as things like racist and ableist. Which is why a lot of people don't do that, because its messed up. So why do people feel the need to be like "Well you're clearly a girl" or "you look like a boy"Like does it really matter? Are you dying? Are you bleeding out? Are you in pain? Like did they do anything besides exist? God -_-

What's with transphobia?

Hey, I’m sorry that you’re feeling sad. I hope you feel better soon. I really needed that message. I myself had a rough day and that message made me feel better, Thank you I really do appreciate it. <3 x

Re: Sad

Hi today is very hard I’m feeling very sad..but it will be ok I just need to HEAVE and finish today and tomorrow will be a new day!We are strong!  Don’t listen to stupid**s people who tell u you don’t deserve life, they LIE! heh ur amazing and unstoppable and you will shine

Hi, I decided to write anonymously so it backs away from people thinking I'm looking for attention. I just want to let all my thoughts out.I'm 14, and my family has always made "jokes" (that's what they call it) about my physical appearance. As a kid I never really cared, but now the more they mention it the more insecure I grow about the stuff they make jokes about. They've always taunted my height and my weight. Sometimes they say "you eat too much" and other times they say "you don't eat enough" It's just so hard to handle. I even struggled with bulimia for a couple of weeks when all the comments started. It only lasted like a month though. Their small comments really at one point made me feel like I have depression. I started cutting and thought of ways of dying. It was a self-diagnoses so I can't really tell if I even have it. I honestly hate opening up to my friends because everyone has problems and I don't want them to think mine are bigger than theirs. They don't like when people vent online because they don't believe in people being able to help online (main reason why I wanted to post anonymously)I always wanted to talk to a therapist because I want someone I can just say everything to without them judging me. That's the problem though, my parents aren't very understanding so telling them I want to talk to a therapist will just make them throw questions at me and I don't want that. I just don't understand myself sometimes. When I look at myself in the mirror, I feel sad and want to cry, but the tears just never come out. It eats me up inside honestly, I just want to cry the pain away but I just can't. I play games all day because it's the thing that kinda brightens my day. My parents also bug me about being on my devices. I can't sleep sometimes like I just physically can't. I feel tired but I just don't fall asleep, I end up lying in bed for hours with my eyes shut up. Sometimes I think it's just me being a teenager and other times I think I do have a mental illness.

a little help?

why am i always there for everyone and nobody’s ever there for me huh i needa stop being there for people who ain’t even there for me LMFAO 😂😂 pain asfk that’s sad no one is ever there for me smhhhhh

i think that’s good that you’re opening up more. it means you’re aware of your emotions and feelings towards things and they do matter even if it’s not a serious issue. i’m like that too and i didn’t have an outlet for it before i found this website. so yeah its good to voice your problems. i think its good on your mental health and it’s normal so don’t fret

Re: ??

not you coming back. you just want me back cuz you came to the realization that the other girl you cheated on me with wasn’t good enough for you and she wasn’t treating you and loving you like i did, that’s sad. but nah i ain’t taking you back cuz you had your chance and threw it away. you’ll never find another girl like me cause i was the only one. i don’t need you anymore and never did so just leave me alone. 

not you coming back 😒

As far as I know, the shivers come really quickly so like I can't just stop them or try to stop them, like they are quick and thats when everything happens. I should probably look into some stuff it's just know that I probably won't be able to ever get help for this stuff because of the situation I am in with my family and stuff 

Re: I need some help, please?

i’m not an expert but if you think you have tics i recommend looking into tic disorders because i heard that tics can be caused by things like stress. also are your shivers and movements involuntary and can you tell when they’re going to happen ??? i hope you can find out soon and i apologize if i was not of much help

I appreciate any support I can get so it's fine, and also this like character count thing is annoying like jkefhdwkjsfrhifuedkj -_- ..................................jkdhvreygiwuhljdkfs im so sorry lol

Re: Ya, I'm a witch

first of all i really like witchcraft so i think that’s really cool of you. sadly people who are super religious don’t understand and the media has a lot to do with the stigma surrounding witches and witchcraft and things of the sort. i’m sorry you have to go through this but i want to tell you that i support you which i know doesn’t mean much. i hope you continue on with your beliefs and stay strong and don’t let the hate and judgement get to you (sorry i could not be of much help)

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A safe place to Write Anonymously

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