Lately, I've been getting sadder and sadder- maybe depression? I don't know. There's always an excuse I can make to myself about why I'm sad. 'Oh, I'm just tired.' 'Oh, I've just had a long week.' 'Oh, I'm just cranky today.' There's always some reason for my sadness, but still. I don't want a reason- I want to be happy.And yet therein lies the problem- Do I really want to be happy? Being sad in my mind has become associated with being mature, and I don't want immaturity. So I think, for some reason, it's 'cool' to be a sad person, like, for some reason, that makes me more 'real'? I don't even know. I guess it's just that lately, my mind has become such a toxic place, it's hard to not just distract myself.Also, there are days when I'm better. I look back and go, "Wow, I was so moody that day," and dismiss just as fast. And yet, I always come back to the same state, and it never ends. This cycle never ends.Also, because I'm a Christian, I get guilty when I'm sad like, 'If I just trusted God more, maybe then I wouldn't be so stupidly insecure!' But I've asked God for help, and I know He's working on it, but I don't know if I have the strength to wait for Him and His timing...Yeah, life's been pretty sucky lately.