I give up. Started to stop caring for myself. I forget to shower. I dont eat. I eat junk. Im gaining a lot of weight. Chaining smoking everyday. Doing drugs any chance I get. Drinking until the bottle is empty. Just anything thatll cut my life of 25 in half or shorter. Im not suicidal but I dont want to live either. I feel like a failure in life. I try to change it but shit happens. Have no one to talk to and can't afford therapy at this time. I feel so lonely its pathetic and effects my mental health. I suffer from BPD and it doesnt help to mix the two. Oh well, who cares right? Not me so why the fuck should i be bitching?