No matter what I do it seems like im
unfit for marriage. My wife doesn’t look at me the same. Conversations aren’t the same. Sex seems to be once every 5-6 weeks or so. Just quickies. No fire. Im not where I want to be professionally or financially. On the surface I present joy but deep down I’m living in darkness. The feeling of inadequacy weighs heavy on my soul. I have a couple people to confide in but can’t bring myself to do so. Instead, I sit with my depression. Lonely. I’ve developed a mild drinking problem since the covid lockdown. Some nights the thought of abusing a bottle of my preferred poison and walking in front of a bus doesn’t seems so bad. Who will truly miss me? My wife will get over it and find someone better. My young son will soon forget our memories and move on to another father figure. My parents and siblings would be fine. Life insurance would pay for the house. I have no legacy to leave behind. I serve no true purpose.