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goodbye

goodbye everybody, life was nice while my parents still cared about me, not my grades. life was nice while my parents considered me to be person with emotions, not a model girl to get the perfect grades and perfect college. But that was all on the past. Thank you to all the people on this website who talked to me and consoled me, you saved my life several times. But I dont think anyone can save me this time, its goodbye for real.



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Re: goodbye

When everything is lost find that one thing to keep you.. If you can't live for yourself consider yourself dead and live for others.. Grades are the least anyone will ever care about.. Look around.. Many people need you.. Forget about your pain.. Feel the pain of someone else and help him/her.

Depression is hard. I still wake up feeling like you sometimes. It’s just chemicals & environment. Did you demand therapy? Try meds? It’s better to call cops & demand to be taken to a hospital than to die.

I stayed alive by two things. I give myself to others. I would volunteer to help people in wrecks. I’ve saved others. I’d help the elderly. I’d donate money to disabled kids & the homeless. I’d clean & make repairs to a center for disabled kids. I’d see old people & help put groceries in their car. I’d draw things for auctions. The money helped educate disabled kids.

I’m not going to lie. Other than my kids no one has ever loved me. When I die only my kids will miss me. I’m fine with that. I know I made this world a little better.

I’m beautiful. I look like a 29 yr old movie star stud. Women so want to have sex with me. But I’m also autistic. So they don’t want me. They want sex with me. But no one wants me. I accept that. I know God loves me. I know I’m Heaven I won’t be autistic. So I find ways to make myself happy.

Another trick. You have to get a little mean & selfish. I had to learn to say no to the endless attractive women who wanted sex. Even if they begged; got mad, or cried.

I had to learn to stand up to people who made fun of my autism at work or school. Goto teachers. Goto HR.

I had to learn to fight back.

Live for others. Get a little angry. Punch the crap out of a pillow. Get a punching bag. Do aerobics with weights.

Suicide is just quitting. Life is short. It’ll end soon enough. Might as well ride it till it ends.

Find a kind sweet young man no one else is interested. Be his friend.

Get a dog or cat.

Try to talk kids like you out of suicide.

I’m just the 60 yr old male version of you. I wish I could hold you like your mom & dad should. I never had that either. My parents gave me away for being autistic. We all need love. I had to learn to love myself since no one else would.

The world told me I was retarded & disabled. Said I’d never walk right. Never talk (couldn’t talk well till 4th gr. Used to sign). Said I’d never advance mentally. Well socially I’m still 12. But I pretend to be grown.

I’m still depressed. But I showed them. I ran touchdowns. Met famous singers. Built stuff for space. Owned German sports cars. Once sang on the radio. I do what I want no matter what the world says.

I took a little boy who turned blue & breathed life back into him. I saved a little black girl & handed her to her mom. I fought a man to save a woman & child. Fought 2 men to save a gay man. Fought 3 football players to save disabled teen.

At your age I tried to kill myself. Thought I died. Barely lived. A lot of amazing things have happened since. My first 20 yrs sucked. The last 2 have sucked. The 38 in between were pretty great.

I love you.