I've been dealing with depression for about 3 years. Im 15 now. My life is a hot mess. My parents havent even talked to me properly for many days. I just want to stop disappointing people. In my country Nepal, depression and other mental illnesses are still a taboo. So I'm afraid of seeking help. Along with depression i also have anxiety, trichotillomania and intermittent explosive intermittent explosive disorder.
My parents cant go a day without fighting. There's always something going on between my mum and my grandparents. there is so much tension between the members of my family. My grades are low as ever. I feel like a disgrace. I want to die but i dont want to kill myself.i dont know if that even makes sense. but now i feel angry and sad all the time. i dont want my parents to feel guilty which is inevitable if i kill myself. i just want to die of a disease. this way my parents will know that they did everything they could.
anyways, i think about suicide everyday. my sadness is consuming me. i will kill myself soon. i just want to say to anyone who is reading this, dont give up, dont make the same mistake im going to make. but if it is too much, you have every right to do so. Goodbye.