I have to be honest with you.
It’s no secret that you’re a good looking dude and a good friend that’s fun to be around. Although I probably could’ve developed feelings for you, I of course kept that in check and didn’t even entertain the idea because you are my friend and I respect that you are in a relationship. I’d rather have you in my life than not have you in it at all.
With that being said, over the past few months something shifted and I felt our dynamic did change as well. There are many reasons that play a part. As you know I’ve been going through some tough shit that has left me feeling absolutely miserable, lonely and vulnerable. Probably unstable too. You’ve been an amazing friend that’s so caring. You’ve been there for me, listened to me and comforted me. It meant more to me than you can imagine, knowing that you were in my corner. I felt good around you and you gave me a sense of comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time. I started getting feelings for you and those were real feelings that would be eventually hard to hide. I was being torn up with guilt and trying to suppress what I felt when we hung out.
That evening when you grabbed me and we kissed, I felt so fucking ecstatic. But that only lasted so long because the realization kicked in that there’s no coming back from this and there’s no happy ending. Our friendship was headed in such a good direction and that is now ruined. You cheated on your SO, with me. I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do, I just fuck things up. On a selfish note I’m hurt that you saw me as a distraction and you would never pick me over her. I always knew that. I gave in when you kissed me and I had no willpower to stop it. Not because I was horny and drunk, I did it because I have strong feelings for you that outweighed my moral compass in that moment. And that would be the only time I’d get close to you in that way.
I feel horrible about what I did.
I don’t want to be the type of person that does this shit. I have to let go of our friendship, for your relationships sake and my own. I just want you to know that I love you so much and I’ll always care about you as a friend. I’m heartbroken, I’m sorry things had to end this way.