I think more than anything I am frustrated. I am beyond frustrated with how everything turned out. Like I really don't understand why they get to be happy with each other but I'm stuck searching for who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. Like I'm so pathetic I don't even know what I like to do for fun. And it's not even like I have the time to get to know me because I am too freaking busy working and trying to pay the stupid government back for all the student loans I took out too. It was like the minute I was born I was meant to have an unhappy life. Hell, the day of said birth my dad was talked out of being my dad and walked out. I grew up mostly around adults so I don't even know how to talk to people my own age!!!! And when I make friends I can't talk about myself because all I know how to talk about is the childhood trauma I experienced as a kid. But anyways, the main point is...I gave so much of my heart and soul to two special people, who ended up wrecking my heart and turned my whole life upside down. Why does love constantly tear you apart? Why does it make you fall in love with someone so hard that all you can do is cry when you think about them? Why can't I erase you and him from my mind? I wish sometimes that I never met you. Things would have been much easier and I wouldn't be stuck feeling like the same let-down I am every day; I choose to wake up and get out of bed. I think the thing that hurts the most is that I really thought you were the one. I had thought we were gonna make it through the rough times. But you proved me wrong the minute you fell for him. I knew from the start that you had feeling for him even though you weren't dating at the time. And it became time for me to slowly accept a reality without you in it. And it was the hardest reality I had yet to accept ever in my entire lifetime. I had grown used to your hugs, your kisses, your laughs, and even your cute little smiles. I had gotten used to being held by you when I was upset. I had gotten used to the reassuring "I love you" but even that started to sound forced instead of with feeling. I think about you still. I think about what we had and why we needed to be a part. But most of all, I think about the small lessons our relationship taught me. I don't think I could ever forgive you. But I can certainly try my best to forget you. So this is goodbye.