this is gonna be a long one so be ready. everyday of my life i feel like someone’s judging me and i act like everything’s okay. But its not when i was a bit younger my two dogs died and ever since that i’ve been a total mess, and let me remind you that was 7/5 years ago, they died different years. i always want to talk to someone about it but when i do i feel like there judging me. just recently my grandpa died i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him and every time i think about it i just wanna break down and cry but recently i’ve cried so much no tears come out, so i put my airpods in and i bast sad songs staring up at the ceiling and when i do that my heart just breaks into a million pieces. i have the type of grandma who takes me anywhere i wanna go. she the type of grandma who gets me anything i want and it doesn’t matter to her how much it costs/ were not a rich family so i believe that if we had enough money she would take me and my family on vacation she’s the type of grandma who would take a bullet for you. just recently she was diagnosed with lung cancer and she had to go to the doctor because she fell in the bath tub and let me remind you before this all happened she was being the amazing grandma she is and putting in a hard wood floor for my cousin just so she could have a new room. she was getting in the shower to rinse of being she hurt her back putting in the floor. at that moment she fell and gave herself a big bruise on her hip which made her go to the doctor i’m thinking i’m glad she went to the doctor because that’s when we found out she had lung cancer. when my mom was trying to tell me the sad news she broke down and seeing your parents cry that hurts a lot. so when she broke down, i broke down. this morning she came into my room and told me that she has lung cancer in both lungs, stage 4. which is severe she also told me that was the cancer that my aunt carol died from. i didn’t wanna cry because i know if i did my mom would’ve broke down. i know your not gonna read this all but if you did thank you. i hope you have an amazing day/night.