I just wanted to fucking complain about growing up in a super religious family. I wanted out of that religion shit when I was 13 and tried to be subtle about it for 4 years. Worst fuckin mistake. I couldnt ever do shit on sundays as a kid so it felt like my week was just 6 days of boring shit I was forced to do and then maybe half a day of fun on saturdays. Friends birthday party? Couldnt go if it was on a sunday. Rec basketball game on a sunday? Not allowed to go near it, even though my dad was the coach AND WOULD COACH ON SUNDAYS. My parents would always say “we’re so proud of you for making the decision to keep sunday holy” no I didnt make that fucking decision, I asked you every fucking time when I was younger if I could go have fun with my friends or with my team on a sunday and they always said no so I gave up fucking asking and just sat in my room the whole day waiting for it to be over. It felt like I was a prisoner of their religion. I constantly wonder what my teenage years could have been like if I wasn’t forced to constantly suppress myself so I could make my parents happy. Would I have been able to talk to people I don’t already know? Would I have been able to actually ask out a girl? Would I have been happy at school? Would I not constantly think about all this shit? Would I not want to disappear? To clarify, I dont want to die, I want to stop existing. Would I have found peace in myself? Would I still be this walking ball of anxiety? When I finally told them I didnt want to be part of their religion when I was 17, my parents talked to me for hours and could not get it through their heads that this religion brought me nothing but bottled up depression and anger. It honestly felt like they cared more about the religion than me. They still constantly badger me about going back to church and get all their church friends to call and text me too. It’s been almost 5 years since then and its NON FUCKING STOP. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF YOUR DUMBASS RELIGION THAT I ALREADY WASTED 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE ON. I didnt realize I had this many feelings bottled up.