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Guilt

First off let me start with I feel extremely terrible that this even came close to happening but im glad i didnt do anything, so when i was around the age of 13 or 14

I was playing my game in ny room and my nephew wanted to watch me play and i usually dont let people in my room but this time i let him in and he watched me but the he started like pulling my pants down abit and looked and my butt and honestly i should have gotten mad at him and told him not to do stuff like that because its wrong but instead i did the same to him but i also pulled down my pants and i almost made a horrible mistake (i assume you know what im talking about) but i did not do anything he said "ow" before anything happend and then something in my head made me think how wrong that is and that i was in the wrong for even thinking about it and its been 6 or 7 years since then and thinking about what couldve happened is unbearable i hate myself so much for that even though i didnt do anything to him i feel so guilty and i feel like the scum of the earth i dont even feel like living sometimes