mental turmoil

Guilt within

Time Spent- 24m
17 Visitors

I am a 37 year old man. My wife has been deputed abroad for some time. I love my wife a lot. Recently I have been going through lot of mental troubles. Nothing was going right, personally and professionally. Almost for a year it took place and I got into anxiety and depression. I started feeling terribly alone. Nothing could make me feel happy. No movies, songs, hobbies nothing. I talk to my wife everyday, but she is so far cant express everything properly. Recently, my ex girl friend started contacting me. She is also going through lot of emotional and mental turmoil in her personal life. We started chatting. Although the old love didn't come back, as I love my wife a lot but we had an understanding friendship. One day she jokingly said we don't have any fun in life, to which I jokingly said what fun can we do, we are married. To which she responded I can entertain with my strip show. I casually said, you can't. She challenged. And actually she ended up stripping over video call, not once but thrice. Honestly, I wasn't prepared for it. Didn't expect. But I enjoyed. Something new, no risk but enjoyable. Very recently I also did something over video call. Now I am terribly at guilt. She doesn't care. But I don't want to cheat my wife. Moreover, I feel I have become very lusty. Thinking about sex and masturbating gives me a mental relief, pleasure. This is not how it should be. I still love my wife more than ever. But this guilt is eating me up from inside.