Guilty of destroying good things

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I'm so guilty right now of my transgressions, of my behavior, of the way I perceive things. I can't even speak directly from the heart anymore nor feel anything positive. I know I've acted in contrast with what is moral, right and just because of fear and self-doubt. I want to be better and it requires conscious action as well as awareness. I've taken myself in lowest levels, definitely destroyed relationships and myself in the process. I've even caused debilitations on the publication, on other people, just because I do not want to be responsible of my actions and of my words. I've been so stifling. I hate that I allowed fear to transform me to this person today. I don't know where to start. I seriously want to repair things but it'll take time again because I've doubted the good things, the necessary time to immerse. I've been unnecessarily afraid and manipulative it sucks.

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