My worst nightmare has always been having to hear that he is getting married, or seeing him with someone else.I have never really been a sucker for love, I never allowed my feelings to distract me from my goals, that is until I meet him. I instantly liked him and couldn’t get my eyes of off him. He was tall and dark skinned with a beautiful smile. There wasn’t much not to like about him. He was kind and respectful, funny, hardworking, a Christian and he had a good heart. It took me some time to realise that what I felt for him was love.Even then I knew that all the odds were against us. But I guess I hoped for a miracle. Most people that saw us together thought that we were dating, hence we had everyone in our business asking questions, well asking me mostly.I guess I allowed the fact that people saw the potential of us being together give me hope that we actually stood a chance. I guess now I know why they say hope is a dangerous thing. The questions were getting out of hand, he was the kind of man that would shy away from confrontations and I guess he felt pressured by everyone, including me.After a while we parted ways but remained in touch once in a while.That is when the dreams of him being in a relationship started, even in dreams its still hurt. Eventually I began to expect the news but hoped it wasn’t the case.Then one faithful evening he tells me he had something to tell me that was long overdue, my heart immediately sank as I just knew he was about to tell me he is getting married. Do not ask me how I knew because I do not know but I just knew. A woman always knows, I guess.When he actually said the words that ‘’I am getting married’’ I was confused between I knew it and you have got to be kidding me. As it was a video call and he could see my expressions I quickly thought to myself breath and smile. So I began to throw questions at him, questions friends are meant to ask when one is getting married just to get him talking so I wouldn’t have to. And I could tell it was hard for him already, I knew having to tell me was not an easy decision for him so I knew I had to do the right thing and be a good friend and not let him see that I was holding back tears or that my hands were shaking or that my heart was racing. So I told him that I was just trying to process the news so he should tell me more.He went on telling me how hard it was for him and how badly he wanted to tell me, because he tells me everything especially things that he doesn’t get to share with anyone else. I know pathetic right , so I m good enough for you to pour your heart to, but not good enough for you to marry. Then its dawn on me, he wasn’t telling me his news because he wanted me to know, he was telling me because he wanted to feel better about himself. He was telling me so that he gets to say that at least he told me. It didn’t matter if the news was hurting me or not, what mattered was that he did what he had to do so as not to be ‘’the bad guy’’.Its like when someone cheats in a relationship, they don’t tell you because you deserve to know they tell you from a place of guilt in an attempt to make themselves feel better.I then asked him, why her and why now, his response was that she was a friend that no one knew he had, there was no expectations from anyone for him to be with her. Hence no expectations equalled no pressure.And that’s how I got the answer to the question I always wondered about, why did he not choose me. And the answer was as simple as expectation.It was heavy and bitter but true, people’s expectation both these that meant well and these that didn’t mean well, and my expectations made him not choose me. And now he is getting married. A big part of me is hurting but the friendly part of me is happy for him because I still believe he deserves the best life has to offer even if it means that I am not the one.