I’ve need to get this off my chest for a while, so here we go.Im a girl, still living at home. I’ve always struggled with depression and really bad anxiety. Over the last year I started to get flashbacks of suppressed memories. My uncle molested me as a child. At first I thought I was going crazy, that my brain was making all of it up. But i’ve finally come to terms with it. My uncle who was a drug addict at the time molested me as a child, when I was in my bed. I remember it so vividly sometimes, almost an out of body experience. I remember his had over my mouth, pressing my head down into the pillow. Me freezing up and not doing anything. I remember him groping and touching me, i remember him shoving his fingers inside of me. From what I can think of at the time, this happened when I was a small child, i’m 16 now. Some days I wanna kill myself to escape all of it. Ive still never told my parents, or any family. My uncle is the last family my mom has, and she loves him so fiercely. After getting the flashbacks so many things clicked in place for me. He had always made me uncomfortable, I remember as a child I hated when he would hug me, it felt like my skin was crawling. Men always made me uncomfortable, and for the last year i’ve had to sleep with a knife under my pillow or I can’t sleep. My uncle also finically supports his wife who has cancer. My parents have also told me so many times they don’t believe women who tell people they’ve been raped or abused years after the event. It kills me inside, cause I know if i tell they won’t believe be. Or they think i’m lying for attention. I love my parents so much, but i can’t wait for the day I can leave and never come back. I’m so scared he’ll do this to someone else tho. He has grandkids and my parents have grandkids who see him often. And i feel such guilt for not saying anything, but than i’m more terrified that if i do say something they won’t believe me. It would kill me if they cut me out of there lives. And what’s even worse if they believe me, and forgive or want him in there lives. He’s ruined so many things for me, i cant even think about him without my brain shutting off, like all my emotions go away. I hate him for everything he’s done to me. And I can never forgive him. Some days even the thought of a man touching makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve never felt so alone in moments like this, where i’m reliving the memory over and over again in my head. Even when i don’t want too it will keep popping up into my head, and in those moments where i can feel his hand over my mouth and his fingers hurting me everywhere he puts them, I wanna die