he never knew it.

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I have a crush when i was just 1rst yr high school student. its very long time but i still cant forget it, i never had a good conversation with him or be friends with him, because i was scared of getting bullied. A lot of girls had a crush on him and i saw them flirt with him like giving love letters or stuffs or even worse, confessing in front of him and in front of everyone. even tho i was jealous of them.. i never did the same thing. i was the most quiet student of our class and my desk was on the fift row before the last row which is him sitting behind my back, my heart almost drop out of its place because of joy whenever i hear him talking or laughing. he is really good looking and tall and white.. but yeah as always i never had the courage to tell him how i feel. and then one rainy day i was on my way home riding on a cab and sitting next to the window, the cab needed to past by our village gate so while we are slowing down i saw him standing next to the gate. he saw me and i know i was in shock to saw him there soaking wet and i never saw him looking so sad. he looked at me like he wanted something.. i dont know if he was crying because he was soaking wet from head to foot and even tho i wanted to get out of the cab and give him my umbrella i cowardly just sat there on shock. the next day was quite rainy again and i was expecting him to be there after school so i can let him borrow my umbrella and finally talk to him, so i stayed at our classroom while everyone is getting out, and like i always did i didn't get up on my desk until there's no one in the room. And when i finally decided to get up and pack my things i heard someone breath so loud and get up from a chair, and the sound was coming from behind me were he sat.. my heart almost drop again because of shock, so i hurried to get out of there but while i almost ran out of his sight, he laugh and that make me stop for a sec on the door and when i look at him he smiled and showed me his umbrella.. i was really embarrassed and i dont even know why.. i dont know if he knows my plan on letting him borrow my umbrella because he showed me he bring one that time, i was really confuse so i decided to go home straight, i let him leave the classroom first because of the awkwardness before i go after him.

after of what has awkwardly happen that day.. he started to initiate even a small talk to me like borrowing something or saying hi.. but all i did was look at him and nod.. and then one day his friends kept on asking me if i like him and teased me, i dont know why they started teasing me about him because no one knows that i like him and i never told to someone even on my only friend that time..and i never said yes but they told him and in front of everybody that i was having a crush on him.. and another thing that confused me and leave me curious till this day was his one friend had told me that my crush likes me back.. i never believe his friend.. until our 1rst yr end.. i never told him that i like him a lot.. the last day of our school was just cleaning up and giving gifts to friends.. but im just there alone at the room and being there just for the attendance.. i tried to not like him again and ignore him till i go home and the last day as 1rst yr hs end. but before i go home he came to me and look at me like he wanted to tell something, we are at the front door of the classroom and since i was the last person who leaves the classroom my adviser told me to lock it before i go home.. i did lock it and when i turn around i saw him and almost drop my heart again but this time not because i like him, but because im shy. so yeah he look at me and he tried to spoke a word but even before he spoke, someone interrupted him one of his friends shouted at him on a distance and told him to go home with them... so he just look at me and smile for a bit then leave, it was weird but i ignore it and go home.

that was the last day he tried to spoke to me.. we never been classmates again but i always saw him at school or on our village since i found out he lives there too near us.. and he never look at me again as if he noticed me or know me.. but before i graduated from that school.. there was an event which is role playing.. i go there because we needed to, even tho i dont like being on a crowded place were there is too many people.. after that show i was trying to get outa there but its too crowded.. until i felt someone pushed me into someone too.. and it was him this time we were so closed and theres are people that makes noise near us when we ended up looking at each other.. i think it was his friends.. i heard them saying that "that was the girl! woohooo!",... i was really annoyed and confused again but that time i realize that my feelings for him was the same as before.. even tho i never spoke back to him i felt that my heart seems to explode because of joy... and as always i am coward so i did my best to get out of there and run...and when im finally was out of that place i decided to take a peek on the scene were i leave him behind.. and saw him laughing and being pushed by his friends.. so yeah that was the last time..

i am 18 now and i never saw him since the hs graduation day.. and

i hope he is okay.

never got a boyfriend until now and im not even planning to meet someone.. i just want to tell my story being coward to the person i like. because i want to change myself this time, that if i met someone and fell for that person i wanna tell how i really feel.

being introvert isn't easy right? so lets just laugh on many regrets if u are just like me too.. even tho it hurts me a little but i know it was a good memories.

im not really good on constructing my grammar so pardon if theres something on the story you might not understand clearly. im really sorry but thats my best..

i am asian btw.. and i hope my story inspired you to tell how you really felt about the person you like, even tho its really hard i know, but i want you to at least try your best before it was too late :)..

have a blessed day! and good luck <3.