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Heartache

I don't know why am I feeling sad . But I am feeling this way . I want to be happy but I am feeling constant sadness . My parents have assured me that they love me and will support me even if my entrance results will be bad . But I am not worrying about it, they think that I am tensed because of my college admissions but actually I also don't know what is happening with me .


I feel good when I am reading a book . But I can't read a book whole day . I want to play , create , draw but I am losing interest in every single thing I used to love . I am feeling an ache in my heart right now .


I want to hug my mom and cry endlessly but I can't because she will not understand me . Even my sister doesn't understand me and never talks to me like a sister , she is always busy in chatting with her friends and brothers she made in college .

Today I saw something in her Instagram story , she had written that Mr. ____ is the best brother in the world and she wants a hug from him right now .

I got a little jealous because I was her only sister , we never ever had a brother but now she is making that brother her best brother and she never say anything about me .

Why she is like that ??

What I haven't did for her ??


Whenever mummy suspects her for anything wrongdoing, I always talks to mummy and favour my sister behind her back . I always supports her and I knew she is hinding something from us but I always tells her to do whatever she wants in her hostel, not when she is here but she never acknowledges me .


I always felt that she give more priority to her friends rather than me .

We used to go to same school , but she always left me out and I as a little girl wants to be with her elder sister . I know she loves me but I don't feel loved .

I am a little bit arrogant, i know . But, in the end I am just an 18 yo girl wanting to be loved by her family .

Even in school , my classmates think that I am a rude and proudy girl because I don't talk to many people and always got first rank in every class . I am a little bit introvert who can't speak to unknown persons . I tried my best to make many friends but I only made a little friends and I am just fed up of living like this . I also want to be happy .


I want my family to understand me because I don't think anybody else will .


But now I lost all hope .

They will never understand me .


Now , I want to go to college as early as possible and cry my heart out there because there will be no one who will stop me from crying or blame me for crying or judge me .


I want to start a new life where I am not a rude , proudy girl .

( I was called proudy because my parents told me to never give your notebooks or books to somebody else , maybe they thought about stealing or anything, but I took it seriously and never give someone my notebook but I gave them to my friends and girls only and so all other people called me proudy )

( My parents told me to never talk to boys and I did that and that's why I was called rude )

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