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God, I feel so stupid doing this but I'm out of options now. So, basically um, I was physically and emotionally abused by my dad until a year ago when I accidentally told my mum. My dad's side of the family knew but they just ignored it and left me to suffer in silence. I've always been bullied no matter where I've gone, it got so bad that my collarbone was actually broken and my shoulder was dislocated. My brother has a bunch of life-threatening and behavioral illnesses, which also means I get plenty of bruises and so on from him. My other brother is obviously perfect and loved and confident. So I feel a strong sense of resentment towards him. I'm going to college in a few months and I can't breathe just thinking about it. I know that no matter what I do I'll never actually be anything and I'll just be the disappointment I've always known I am. I don't think my anxiety has ever been this bad and I'm just so tired, I just want to sleep for the rest of my life. I don't want to do anything but I don't want to amount to nothing either, I just don't know what to do. I keep pushing people away because I know that they'll never be able to cope with my constant anxiety and mood swings. I'm slightly concerned that I have become a sociopath. Not a psychopath, I'm not quite there yet. I love psychology, meaning I usually psycho-analyze everyone including myself and English, meaning I love reading and writing in a way to escape my own world, and I'm rather intelligent, well actually I'm very intelligent, but I'm constantly made to think otherwise. That sounds very cocky but trust me I'm not. I manage to mess EVERYTHING up and I mean E V E R Y T H I N G. I'm sorry, I don't why I'm doing this. I know you probably don't care but um... thanks for a least getting this far. Sorry again, I know I'm blabbering. Well, all in all, this was pointless.

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