i really want to die, been planning to do it on my aunt's birthday. help, please. my mom keeps getting angry at me for no reason, so i doubt it'll make any difference to her if i'm gone. my family absolutely despises me, so yeah. i want to tell someone what i feel before i go through with it, but whenever i gather the courage, i don't know who to talk to. i have so many insecurities about trust and I don't want to tell my mom because I'm sure she will get mad.
Hey, I'm with you there. I feel lonely and like there isn't anyone that I can talk to, sometimes I don't even trust myself if that makes sense. I have suicidal thoughts from time to time or slip into a relapse with a problem I had, but what helps me is to remember that I'm me. You gotta look out for your numero uno, yourself. If you feel like everyone despises you then keep that in mind and keep going! You do you and remember to never look back, just live life how you want, which I know is easier said than done BUT you should do it. We all have the freedom to do what we want but it's our fear of that freedom that keeps us from stuff like beneficial relationships. I myself am still working on living up to what I have said, to be free n independent, but try it. Go out for a walk where n when you want or go see the sun set/rise at a beautiful spot, meet and go out with a beautiful person who you genuinely love, just do everything you want to do!
A book that helped me fully accept that was the Stranger by Camus, you can find PDF's online if you're interested but that book is more so "nothing matters except for what you make matter", so yeah. Check it out.
If you want.
And stay strong. You got this you beautiful human and I probably don't know you personally and this probably won't mean much but I'm hoping the best for you. :D
Life has challenges for us how do we endure. Do not give up keep going even when life throws you lemons make lemonade. Even when you are at your lowest do not throw in the towel. There is hope change will come you can make the change and be the change you desire in your life. Like is a gift given to you for a purpose you may not see it let God direct and help you. But encourage yourself speak life good things find someone to talk to. If not encourage yourself. Please find a church or professional help there are a lot of online help and organisations and church. God loves you even if you think not reach out to him. Even there life still has challenges because that is the devil's plan we must show him we are overcomers. Do not quit keep running the race.