Tw: Rape. I've been raped a lot and I guess that's warped my mind and way of thinking, but it's starting to scare me a lot, please don't judge me please I honestly don't know what is going on with me I want to be raped again and I actively search for it I leave my drink alone ,I walk alone at night, I go to sketchy places with sketchy people idk why I do this i never enjoyed it when it happens, on top of that I get off thinking about my old abuser, and I think I like like him. And I've been craving being promiscuous expcialy with older men, I know it's wrong since I'm a minor but i crave it to the point I can't stand it and I'm afraid I'll give in to it and ask my older friend to come over and spik my drink and do whatever he wants to me since he's into that. I don't want to tho, I don't want to destroy myself more I don't wanna betray my Gf. I don't know what to do I'm scared and disgusted at myself.