A little more than a year ago, I met a really sweet guy (chris). Every time I looked into his eyes, I felt safe and happy. He goes to the same school and class as me. At the time he was dating someone so I knew I had no chance and also because I was an introvert (still am) and never really been in a real relationship. I had to hide my feelings towards him for months. But they broke up, then one day he told me he liked me and eventually he asked me out. When we were dating, I only thought about him and nothing else. He had a lot of female friends which he was quite friendly to. I wanted to be okay with it but deep inside I was insecure, hurt, angry and jealous and because of that I lost him. He walked right out of my life. He didn’t even try to fight for us. It felt like he gave up on us. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. He seemed fine without me, so I just left. How could you be so okay now that I’m gone? Eventually after 2 months he moved on and was in a long distance relationship with this one girl. The whole summer before that I had not one single thought about him and was doing fine, well until I found out about them that was the first time I heard of him in months then all the memories and feelings came rushing back like thunder. How could he have moved on so fast? Then 4 more months later, I was still not over him. But then one day I had this little crush on this other guy (mark), it came out of nowhere and knew I was doomed but then he strangely liked me too and one day asked me out. I was happy and all but now it’s been a month since we started dating. It’s like one day, I feel everything for him then the next I feel nothing. He doesn’t make me sad or happy it’s like I don’t know what I feel. I feel like I just gave up on everything like I gave up being in a relationship and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt him and really want to like him, I really do but it’s like it’s a hurricane of emotions coming in and out. If I end it with him he’ll be hurt, my friends will be disappointed in me and everyone will talk bad like they always do. They’ll slut shame me and call me a hoe for breaking one’s heart. I obviously would end it if I had no feelings for him at all but it’s literally like a storm, I like him a lot one day then I don’t the next. I tried talking to a friend for help but again, no one understands what I go through exactly so I stopped asking. I don’t want to give up and hurt him but it’s like I have no motivation for anything, and on top of that I have anxiety about it all. This is driving me insane.