My life has turned into a spiral void of numbed feelings, secrets, tiredness, pressure and expectations. The irony - It's my life, and I don't even know how it has turned this way. I was an ideal child, a golden child, an angel envied by every parent. Why you ask? Because I scored a hundred in all my finals and other exams for 5 consecutive years. I was the class monitor, school dance choreographer, the best vocalist, an overchiever and a IDEAL, GREAT DAUGHTER. My mom was single until 5 years ago. She raised me all alone and she got a divorce cause my biological father was a drunkard, abuser. He used to drink and hit me and my mother, so she ran away, leaving everything behind, her assets, clothes, jwelery, gold, except her precious 6-7 month old daughter. I got to know all of this just 3 years ago. I understood that my mother worked HARD. I valued her, the money she made, my grandparents, the happiness I got and mostly, I valued all my relationships. I became happy because I got an ice candy and the happiness lasted, now even when I go to a 5-star I can't feel happy. My mother took all the decisions in my life before I became a teen. I was happy! if she said "You have to study for 2 hrs" I did that and now look at me, my exams are starting in 20 days, I haven't studied properly and above all, I am not serious. I am attracted to all these social media platforms and games like - Episode or Maybe.
This is not who I am, nor do I want to be this.
Please help me, tell me, how do I go back to my original self, feel feeling, stay happy and above all,
BE AN IDEAL DAUGHTER.