I was sexually assaulted by my cousin when I was around the age of 10. I was forced to grab him and put his dick in my mouth. This is just the beginning. This was the first of many many times that this happened. It progressed into him forcing me to have sex with him. This all happened for at least a year. I’ve done things to him and he’s done things to me that I hate myself for. I hate myself because of the things I’ve been through. The things I’ve done. These things are something that I hope no one ever has to experience. This may be hard to believe but I am a male. Yes it happens and growing up I always heard my friends and others say that male on male sexual assault doesn’t happen. Well I’m living proof that it does and it’s eating me alive. I’ve lived with this for over 10 years now and I can’t do it anymore. I had to get it out and it may be anonymous and no one may ever see who I truly am. I’ve been hiding my feelings for too fucking long. Everyone I know may think I’m super happy and there’s nothing wrong with me but I’m so fucked up in the head that I don’t want to live like this anymore. If anyone is reading this you’re probably thinking that I’m going to kill myself at this point of reading whatever the hell you want to call this bullshit of a life of mine but I’m not. I’m not currently suicidal but I have been before. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I can’t live with hiding it anymore. If there’s anyone out there that’s been through this before I just want to know how you deal with it. How do I get past these demons and get on with my life. And no. He’s not in prison or ever will be for this. Everyone in my family thinks he’s some great person and he’s even about to have a kid of his own with his girlfriend. He’s happy. Why can’t I be? Why am I the one suffering for the shit he’s done to me? I just need someone that actually understands what I’ve been through.