Time Spent- 19m 54s
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I know that i said yes 

I know it was my choice, but i felt like i didnt have one 

I thought it didnt matter what i felt or what i wanted as long as she was happy 

As long as she felt good 

Whenever she leaves i just feel like ive been used 

Like i was just her toy to play with  

I feel like im not a person to her

Im just an object that she picks up when she wants to play and drop with no warning leaving me with a cracks in my head

One time when i was eating he out, i had a panic attack and i stopped, she asked why and when i didnt wanna answer she made me keep going 

she pushed my head back down

One time i heard my sister arrive to at the house 

She made me keep going 

I think i hate her 

But i also love her 

I blocked her tonight 

For no reason 

Out of nowhere 

I hope she doesnt notice 

But even if she does i dont think she’ll care

She used to say she loves me but i dont think she did 

I think she wanted to and she thought she was supposed to 

She doesnt tell me that she loves me anymore 

Unless shes drunk 

The last time she saw me she sat on my lap and after telling me she didnt want us to be anything more than friends for months 

She rocked her hips, she got real close to my face, she giggled got up and ignored me for about an hour till she kissed me and proceeded to tell me she thinks we should be friends with benefits 

I dont know why i agreed 

I think its because when im with her it kind of feels like im complete but not in a good way 

In an addictive way 

We had sex the next day

I regret inviting her over 

I regret a lot with her 

i regret a lot after her

Sometimes i even regret talking to her and introducing myself that day in 2017