We have such a complicated history. Damn. We hated each other, friends, loved each other. Hell her family is mine. She feel in love with me and i broke it. I broke her. We are friends now shes happy with them. I am am with him. I just wish I knew whether my jealousy and self destructive side is saying i have feelings or if its genuine. advice would be appreciated. I just wish I knew if it was true. Genuinely, I care about her we are best friends, I just wish to know if it is because I have never had someone help and care for me so much. I mean so much trauma mentally. My family is a mess. Things I believe are getting better but leads me to wonder whats next? Who loves me? who doesnt? Can I ever be satisfied with a calm life. I know i want it but do I really? I just am glad I can vent here I guess. I mean it's not like I can talk to her. She knows I might like her she thinks I do. He doesnt. I mean hell, what is life without issues? all the time I have had them. I just wish I couldsee the future and I hope that future is my death..